Willpower

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willpower

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/willpower

http://www.successconsciousness.com/index_000006.htm

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-willpower-paradox

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/06/self-discipline-willpower

It's a long way

to keep going

just going

long way

way

ward

until one is heard

being stood

lost in the hood

being fooled

misunderstood

its a long way

to the top

 one cannot stop

to knock

on the block

get some chalk

start to walk

don't park

look at your flock

walk away from the mock

keep going

It's a long way 

to the

top

if you wish to roll and rock

take stock

of your flock

not crock

JOkes

Halve Your Cake & Eat It Too

A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She’d made her family’s favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they’d eaten half of it at dinner.

The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she had cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.

Everyone commiserated until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. “He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!”

Willpower

There are these three men that have to cross a large river.
So the first guy goes to the river and says please God give me the strength to cross this river, so he gets huge muscles and swims across.
The next one prays to God and asks for strength and intelligence to cross the river, so he looked around and saw a tree, makes it into a rowboat, and rows ac cross the river.
The third guy says "God give me Strength, Intelligence, and Willpower to cross this river. God turns him into a women, then she looks over - sees a bridge - and crosses it.

Will Power

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation.

Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant  my potato garden this year. 

I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to  be digging up a  garden plot.If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.                                                                

Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

'For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!'   At  4a.m.

The next morning,

A dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and a sked him what to do next.

His son's reply was: 'Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you from here.'

- Moral Of the Story

NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD,

IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT.

IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS. 

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.

A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f*cking will power'

Courtesy ofhttp://www.jokes-news.com/search/willpower

http://www.funnyandjokes.com/willpower.html

http://jokes4enjoyment.blogspot.ca/2008/09/will-power.html

http://darkjokeshumor.blogspot.ca/2011/01/dark-jokes-will-power.html

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

DISCLAIMER: This Blog is not meant to offend.SPREAD THE LAUGHTER 

Life

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life
http://life.time.com


JOkes
THINGS TO PONDER....... 

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?


Aging Fast
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?.... "I'm four and a half "....You're never 36 and a half....you're four and a half going on five! 

That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens....you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony....you BECOME 21...YES!!!

But then you turn 30....ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk....He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now.

What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.....stay over there, it's all slipping away........

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50.....and your dreams are gone.

Then you MAKE IT to 60.....you didn't think you'd make it!!!!

So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60......then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!

After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday.... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30, my grandmother won't even buy green bananas....it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.

And it doesn't end there....into the 90's you start going backwards.... I was JUST 92...

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.... "I'm 100 and a half!!!!"

A magician is working on a cruise ship, but there is one problem. The captain’s parrot watches every show he does, and after figuring out the tricks, the parrot has started yelling out the secrets of how the tricks are done.  
  The bird says, “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or “Hey! He’s hiding the flowers under
the table!”
  The magician is enraged.  But it’s the captain’s parrot, so he can’t do anything about it.
  One day on a long cruise, there is an accident.  The ship crashes and sinks.  The magician and the parrot find themselves clinging to the same plank of wood in the middle
of the ocean.  For days neither says anything.  Finally, after a week with no hope in sight,
the parrot says, “Okay, I give up.  Where’s the ship?” 


Jean Paul, a Cajun, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died.” “Well then, just give me my money back.” “Can’t do that, I went and spent it already.”
 “OK then, just unload the donkey.”
 “What are you gonna do with him?”
 “I’m gonna raffle him off.”
 “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”
 “Sure, I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anyone he’s dead.”
 A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, “What happened with the dead donkey?”
 “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a piece and made a profit of $898.”
 “Didn’t anyone complain?” “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back.”
















Courtesy of:http://www.jokesandhumor.com/jokes/149.html
http://laughwithlife.net/jokes.html

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

DISCLAIMER: This Blog is not meant to offend.SPREAD THE LAUGHTER 

Hate

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hatred

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/hate

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hate

There are many things one may have a total aversion to certain situations,objects or life in general.Hatred can result in extreme behaviour including violence,murder,and war.

Challenge is to learn to love,understand and accept.

Who ever said it would be easy.

JOkes

10 Things That Piss Me Off!by: George Carlin

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy, considering he has no dick.
3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?
5. When people say "Its always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theater and stare at fucking ceiling up there.
7. The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't." Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!
8. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
9. When something is new and improved, which is it? If its new, then there has never been anything before it. If its an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going. You should know, asshole. You fucking pulled me over.

• You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
• Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
• Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
• Talk is cheap, but that's OK, so are you.
• I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
• Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?

• Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own.
• Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.
• Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another?
• He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
• I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.
• I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.
• What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.

• You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
• Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
• You're a habit I'd like to kick - with both feet.

Courtesy of:http://www.desolation.org/hate/jokes/10things.html land http://www.tensionnot.com/jokes/one_liner_jokes/sarcastic_quotes

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

DISCLAIMER: This Blog is not meant to offend.SPREAD THE LAUGHTER 

Suck

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suck

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/suck

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/suck

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/suck

JOkes

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!"

"Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.

"Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven.

"Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said.

Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".

The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"

Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

Suck it, pluck it... 

In this age of safe sex the need for condoms are a must but some people still have a difficult time buying them.

Take my friend, Joe. Our local store carries condoms behind the counter and you need to ask the salesperson to get them.

So Joe went up to the salesperson but he was so nervous he could only ask where the straws were.

So he bought the straws and left only to have to come back to buy his condoms.

Again Joe came into the store and was still so nervous he could only ask where the tweezers were, so he bought them and left.

Joe once again had to go back and buy his condoms. So he went up to the salesperson and said, in a low tone, "I need some condoms."

The salesperson rang up the sale and said, "First you come in to buy straws, then to buy tweezers, and now to buy condoms..."

"...What I want to know is are you going to suck it, pluck it. "

What's the difference between your wife your job?

After five years your job will still suck.

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."

As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked,

"Do you suck?"

"No!" she shrieked, aghast.

So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.

"Do you screw?" he asked.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.

He dropped her, too. The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.

"I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.

"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.

Courtesy of: 

http://www.aarons-jokes.com/joke-8861.shtml and www.://jokes4all.net/sucking.html

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Cunted

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cunted

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cunted

When brain cells die due to much alcohol or drugs consumption, one can doubtly be having an altered state of mind.

JOkes

Two Deaf Guys in a Pub.

Two deaf guys walk into a pub in Burnley.
One gives his mate a twenty pound note and says:
"You get the drinks in. I'll find us a seat."
So the guy goes to the bar and orders two pints of lager. The barman serves him and gives him two pounds change.
"What's this?" the deaf guy asks, looking at his change. "You charge nine pounds a pint in here these days?"
"Nah," the barman says. "We've got a live band in tonight. There's a £5 cover charge. You and your mate, that's a tenner."
"Live band?"
"Live band," the bartender confirms.
"What, rock and roll, Indie, hip-hop, grunge...?"
"Country and Western," the barman replies.
"Ri-ight..." the deaf guy says as he takes the drinks.
He rejoins his mate. Puts the drinks on the table.
"Where's me change?" the friend asks.
He gets handed the two quid.
"What? They charge nine quid a fuggin pint in here now do they? What's the crack?"
"They've got a band on. £5 cover charge."
"A band?"
"Oh yes."
"What? Rock n roll, Indie, hip hop, grunge?"
"Nah,"
"What then?"
"Some cunt from Preston."

My good buddy Mac from Aberdeen Scotland told me this one. It's much better told live.

The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toliet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn"t want to be rude, so I replied "Not too bad thanks."After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what are you up to?"Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?"The next thing I heard him say was "sorry mate, I"ll have to call you back. I"ve got some cunt in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."


There was a promiscuous young couple making love in the back seat of their car. Temperatures were rising and things were getting intense, and finally the girl gasped, "Oh darling, darling, kiss me where it smells!"

So he drove her Ireland!

A Muslim dies and finds himself in front of St Peter at the gates of heaven."Hey, what"s going on here? Where am I?" he asks St Peter."Welcome to the afterlife," St Peter replies."No, no this isn"t right. I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed, right away.""Would you like a capuccino?" asks St Peter."No! I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed," replies the Muslim."Well, you can talk to Jesus if you want," says St Peter, and goes off to find him."Jesus, I don"t understand what"s going on here," the Muslim says. "I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed.""Would you like a capuccino?""No, I want to speak to the prophet! Now.""Well, you can talk to God if you like", says Jesus. This appears acceptable to the Muslim and off they go. Jesus lets the Muslim into a big room and leaves him. After a few moments there is a puff of smoke and God appears."Yes, what seems to be the problem here?" booms God.The muslim is very worked up by now. "Look, I don"t get what"s happened here, I want to talk to the prophet Mohammed!""Would you like a capuccino?""Okay, okay," says the Muslim, "I"ll have a fucking capuccino - now will someone please let me speak to the prophet Mohammed.""Two cappuccinos, Mohammed," says God.

Long but worth whileWhen you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don"t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don"t know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I"d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?"Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fuckin number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn"t believe that anyone could be so rude.When I tracked down Robert"s correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with him, I decided to call the "wrong" number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You"re a Cunt!" and hung up.I wrote his number down with the word "Cunt" next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I"d call him up and yell, "You"re a Cunt!" It always cheered me up.When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "Cunt" calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said," Hi, this is John Smith from BT. I"m calling to see if you"re familiar with our Caller ID Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That"s because you"re a Cunt!"One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I"d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.A couple of days later, right after calling the first Cunt (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I"d better call the Land Rover Cunt, too.I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?" Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street , in Ilford. It"s a terraced house, and the car"s parked right out in front.""What"s your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "When"s a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I"m home most days as I"m currently unemployed.""Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Steve, you"re a Cunt!"Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then one day I came up with an idea. I called Cunt #1."Hello?""You"re a Cunt!" (But I didn"t hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked."Yeah," I said."Stop calling me," he screamed."Make me," I said."Who are you?" he asked."My name is Steve Hansen.""Yeah? Where do you live?""I live at 129 Alice Street , Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front."He said, "I"m coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I"m really scared, Cunt," and hung up.Then I called Cunt #2. "Hello?" he said."Hello, Cunt," I said.He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...""You"ll do what?" I said."I"ll kick your arse," he exclaimed."Well, Cunt, here"s your chance. I"m coming over right now."Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street , Ilford, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street , Ilford.I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street . I got there just in time to watch two Cunts beating the crap out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.Now I feel MUCH better.

Courtesy of

http://www.thespoof.com/jokes/joke.cfm?joke=5660

http://hahas.co.uk/cunt
Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Temperature

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

So how hot can it be

when one can be just as cold as can be

Lets see

what is to be

only one can see

as make believe

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temperature
http://www.onlineconversion.com/temperature.htm
http://www.temperatureworld.com
http://eo.ucar.edu/skymath/tmp2.html
http://www.convert-me.com/en/convert/temperature


JOkes

 HOW HOT IS IT? - ODE TO TEXAS

  The devil wanted a place on earth
  Sort of a summer home
  A place to spend his vacation
  Whenever he wanted to roam.

  So he picked out Texas
  A place both wretched and rough
  Where the climate was to his liking
  And the cowboys hardened and tough.

  He dried up the streams in the canyons
  And ordered no rain to fall
  He dried up the lakes in the valleys
  Then baked and scorched it all.

  Then over his barren country
  He transplanted shrubs from hell.
  The cactus, thistle and prickly pear
  The climate suited them well.

  Now the home was much to his liking
  But animal life, he had none.
  So he created crawling creatures
  That all mankind would shun.

  First he made the rattlesnake
  With it's forked poisonous tongue.
  Taught it to strike and rattle
  And how to swallow it's young.

  Then he made scorpions and lizards
  And the ugly old horned toad.
  He placed spiders of every description
  Under rocks by the side of the road.

  Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter,
  Hotter and hotter still.
  Until even the cactus wilted
  And the old horned lizard took ill.

  Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom
  As any creator would
  He chuckled a little up his sleeve
  And admitted that it was good.

  'Twas summer now and Satan lay
  By a prickly pear to rest.
  The sweat rolled off his swarthy brow
  So he took off his coat and vest.

  "By Golly," he finally panted,
  "I did my job too well,
  I'm going back to where I came from,
  Texas is hotter than Hell.

HEAT WAVES CAUSES RANCHERS TO SELL BARBECUE DIRECTLY FROM THE FIELD
 Ranchers in southern states hit be sweltering heat are selling 
fully cooked barbecue right from the livestock.
  "We let the customer choose the cattle and then we hose it down 
with sauce and send it out into the fields.  Within twenty minutes 
the barbecue is piping hot and ready to eat," said a Texas rancher.
  Barbecue restaurants are crying foul over the direct sales of the
product to the public.
  "This damn heat wave is killing the cattle and our business.  We 
can't compete with the lower overhead of the rancher when we provide 
our customers with a table, chairs and fan as well as swat flies," 
said waitress Flo Moore of the "Greasy Fat Dripping Spoon" restaurant
in Amarillo.
  The heat has also changed business for farmers who are using their 
former crop fields as giant baking pans for brownies. 
  "It's the only way I can put my land and this hellish heat to any
use so I'm baking white chocolate, espresso brownies with macadamia
nuts for those rip-off coffee houses, said a farmer in Oklahoma.
Temperature A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He  was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I haven't. Not with a carnation anyway." 

Courtesy of:http://www.yuksrus.com/weather_hottemp.html

http://www.jokes4us.com/winnersjokes/temperaturejoke.html
Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Mosquito

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosquito

http://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/life/zoology/insects-arachnids/mosquito.htm

http://insected.arizona.edu/skeeterinfo.htm

http://www.mosquito.org

http://www.torontosun.com/2012/07/03/west-nile-virus-detected-in-toronto-mosquitoes

As we are in a new month that means July we are in summer season.

With all the gazzilion blogs out there,i hope i could spread my two cents ... I am sure with spreading a few more good coins with a few jokes.

That also means our friends the mosquitos are here to visit us.

Would it be fair to say, to slap your friend if they had a mosquito on them without knowing.

O R slapping them just to rescue from a mosquito bite?

With the West Nile virus upon us,who knows?

Fear can be rearing its ugly hand.

Enjoy your summer.

JOkes

How do you know if you have a tough mosquito?
You slap him and he slaps you back!

What is the most religious insect?
A mosque-ito!

What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code?
A morese-quito!

What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
Try sewing buttons on a mosquito!

What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect?
The Masked-quito!

What has antlers and sucks blood?
A moose-quito!

What is a mosquito's favourite sport?
Skin-diving!

What's the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito?
A mosquito drops off you when you die!

Why are mosquitos religious?
They prey on you!

Why did the mosquito go to the dentist?
To improve his bite!

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a mosquito.
Go away, sucker.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mosquito.
Mosquito who?
Mosquito smoking soon.

Two mosquitoes were buzzing round when they saw a drunken man.
One said to the other, "You bite him ? I'm driving."

What did one mosquito say to another when they came out of the cinema? Fancy a bite?
What did the mosquito say when he saw a camel's hump?

Gee, did I do that.?...

Courtesy of:http://www.ahajokes.com/mosquito_jokes.html

http://www.jokedictionary.com/jokes/m/mosquitojokes.htm

http://www.jokebuddha.com/Mosquito#ixzz1zffmYex6