Media

                                 Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2021.   

       

                                            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Media      

                                      https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/media  

                                      https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/media

                                         Why listen to the media ?

                                         Not to mention, news, television, and radio.

                                         Fighting for every ounce of attention, to listen out of boredom.

                                         We thirst for information and sometimes can be an obsession.

                                         It is important to stay connected in the world.

                                        There are times the information may or may be true 

                                        We have choices as to what we hear and view

                                        Too be told or to choose to be vaccinated for not 

                                        Not be manipulated by false interchangeable political views.  

                                        We can choose to listen to the media to think for ourselves .                              

                               

                                                            Jokes    

             

                         What is Captain Hook's least favourite social media?

                         Tick tock.

                         I bought a book about social media

                         but I never reddit

                         I tried making an anti social media platform.

                        But it never went anywhere

 

                        What's the opposite of social media?

                        Social life

                                                                                                                                                       

          

      Ad on some billboard somewhere: 

"If you feel like the bottom's fallen out of your world, 

digest Brand X laxative.

 " It will make the world fall out of your bottom. "

Marketers favourite drink? Brand-y.

Having a breakfast sale, but I need a “hash” tag.

Funny how things are tagged NSFW

As if any of us still have jobs

 Update :stop bragging about being employed ,its lowering morale

 What do you call it when old people look through their Facebook timeline

The Elder Scrolls

   What is silly about Mark Zuckerberg buying Instagram for a billion dollars? 

He could've got it on the App Store absolutely free!

 Why should non-vaccinated children not have social media accounts?

  Because they can get viral!

 What did the doctor say when I asked for his help saying that I am addicted to social media ? 

He said, “I don’t follow you.”

Ditto...

 Courtesy of:

Google.com

UFS INC.

https://upjoke.com/social-media-joke

https://www.bizcommunity.com/Jokes.aspx

https://www.ignitesocialmedia.com/humor/social-media-puns-annoy-coworkers

jokojokes.com

https://kidadl.com

https://www.rd.com/list/bad-jokes-cant-help-laugh-at

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

                                          Visit:ArtDogStudio.ca   

Uncertain

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2020

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/uncertain

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/uncertain

https://www.lexico.com/definition/uncertain

Nothing brings more feeling of uncertainty than a pandemic.

It has been awhile I have published any of my cartoons.

The craziness of this lies only to reject on the growing anxiety and feeling .Where does life go from here ?

 I believe, hope is better than nothing. All of what happens in the moment remains in uncertain during CO-VID 19.

Thank God for a good joke.

Debts:  The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

                                                                                  Jokes

Knock Knock. Who is there ? Seriously, do not touch my door and get back six meters to social distance.

Why did the chicken cross the road? 

 Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly.

 I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent. 

Then it Dawned on me.

   I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger ,but then it hit me.

I used to think i am indecisive. But now i am not sure.

The future, the present ,and the past walk in to a bar . 

Things got a little tense.

People used to be a lot more optimistic in the past, but things have taken quite a turn haven't they. The economy's uncertain, salaries are shrinking, jobs are dissipating. Morale is generally quite low nowadays.

If the elevator were invented today, it would be called the plunger.

Kermit the Frog went to the bank to request a loan.

The teller, Patty Whack, asked him for references.

"Well, my dad's Mick Jagger," Kermit replied.

Uncertain, Patty then asked him if he had any collatoral.

"Here's something from my shelf", he answered, handing her a small decoration.

Now confused, Patty told him she had to speak with her manager.

"Mr Jones," she said, "I don't know what to do. Kermit the Frog is asking for money, he says his dad is Mick Jagger, and his only collateral is this thing. I don't even know what it is!"

The manager replies, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

What do you call an uncertain bee?

A maybe

Guaranteed way to get through the covid19 quarantine and barely notice or remember it.

Tune to any local tv station and take a shot every time a commercial says “uncertain times”.

An electron walked into a bar

Actually it might have been a club. I'm uncertain.

A man hears a knock at his door, and is surprised to see

a polar bear standing before him.

"Hi," says the white bear, "I'm the bear of good news. A distant relative of yours passed away a while ago, but it turns out he entrusted a large fortune to you in his will."

"Great," says the man. "Thanks for the good news."

Later, the man hears another knock at his door. He answers the door to find a panda before him.

"I'm the bear of uncertain news," says the panda.

"Alright..." acknowledges the man with a furrowed brow.

"As it turns out, your inherited fortune is entirely in the form of uninsured bonds. Depending on how the market turns out this month, you might not be able to receive any money at all. But, well, it could go either way."

"I see," says the man, closing the door.

The next day, there's another knock. The man opens the door to a large grizzly.

"Let me guess," says the man, "you're going to tell me about my inheritance bonds?"

The grizzly shrugs. "Well, I hate to be the bear of bad news."

Guaranteed way to get through the covid- 19 quarantine and barely notice or remember it.

Tune to any local tv station and take a shot every time a commercial says “uncertain times”.

Courtesy of:Just-One-Liners.com.webarchive

https://www.fatherly.com/play/best-coronavirus-jokes

https://parade.com/1040121/marynliles/one-liners

https://upjoke.com/uncertain-jokes

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Talk

       Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2018

   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk

                            http://www.dictionary.com/browse/talk
                            http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/talk
                            https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/talk
                            https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/talk

                       

                                              Jokes

           Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.
           I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

           Funny how we need to talk really means you need to listen.


A social worker asks a colleague: "What time is it?"
The other one answers: "Sorry, don't know, I have no watch."
The first one: "Never mind! The main thing is that we talked about it."



A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman looked puzzled. "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked.
"Because every time I talk to a woman with beautiful tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere"

Why don't dinosaurs talk?

Because they're dead.

When addressing a small crowd or low attendance) This must be a wealthy crowd. Each of you bought two or three seats!

Do you know the definition of an after dinner speaker? Someone who has been asked to say a few words and says too many.

As S.S. Biddle once said, "A political speech pleases all. Those who agree with it think it over, and those who don't are glad it is over."

If speaking while people are eating) Please go ahead and keep eating while I'm speaking. I'd rather be eating cake right now too rather than listening to some boring speech.

Courtesy of:https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2016/03/30-funny-short-jokes-that-are-guaranteed-to-make-you-smile/
http://jokes4all.net/talking-jokes
somuchpun.com
https://cheezburger.com/5156659200/sadly-their-humor-is-spineless
https://www.goodbadjokes.com/jokes/why-dont-dinosaurs-talk
http://canuwrite.com/speech_one_liners.php
https://www.simpli.com/web?qsrc=999&qo=semQuery&ad=semD&o=603690&l=sem&askid=1d7566b6-a48b-434a-bc02-322425b844f8-0-si_gsb&q=public%20speaking%20jokes%20humor&dqi=&am=broad&an=google_s


Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Spring

                               Copyright 2017 Lucy Drumonde
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spring_(season)
https://www.reference.com/science/month-spring-start-521a84d71c4ac966
http://www.almanac.com/content/first-day-seasons-2017
http://www.metoffice.gov.uk/learning/learn-about-the-weather/how-weather-works/when-does-spring-start
https://days.to/until/spring


Jokes
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!

Spring Fever 
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?" 

What flowers grow on faces? 
Tulips (Two-lips)! 

Why are trees very forgiving? 
Because in the Fall they "Let It Go" and in the Spring they "turn over a new leaf". 

Why is the letter A like a flower?
 A bee (B) comes after it! 

When do people start using their trampoline? 
Spring-Time 

What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
 A hot cross bunny 

What did the tree say to spring?
What a re-leaf.

 What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
Lily! 

What does the Easter Bunny order at a Chinese Restaurant? 
Hop Suey! 
When do monkeys fall from the sky? 
During Ape-ril showers! 

Can February March? 
No, but April May! 

Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
Because they've just finished a long, 31 day March! 

What season is it when you are on a trampoline? 
Spring-time! 





















Courtesy of:http://www.funology.com/seasonal-jokes
http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/weatherjokes/springjokes.html

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Truth

                                    Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2017

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truth
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/truth
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/truth

Jokes

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug." 

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

The Aging Process...

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half." You're never 36 and a half....you're four and a half going on 5.

A Fine Bunch...

Can you imagine working at this outfit. It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics:

• 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
• 7 have been arrested for fraud
• 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
• 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
• 3 have been arrested for assault
• 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
• 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
• 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
• 21 are current defendants in lawsuits
• In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving

Yes, you guessed it. It's the 535 members of your United States Congress. The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line.

The Historical Orgin of the Middle Finger Gesture...

Note: Steven Ward of Brunel University, London, wrote me to say that "The Historical Origin of the Middle Finger Gesture (MFG) is a bit muddled, you need the middle finger and index finger to fire a bow, the MFG is known in the UK, but we use the victory sign made popular by Churchill reversed, in a similar way." It struck me in response that the French might well consider it sufficient to remove just the middle finger. But what is really needed here is the time machine historian with a video camera to nail down the story.

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore be incapable of fighting in the future.
This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew." Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! PLUCK YEW!"
Over the years, some 'folk etymologies' have grown up around this symbolic gesture. Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say (like "pleasant mother, pheasant plucker", which is who you had to go to for the feathers used on the arrows for the longbow), the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute are mistakenly thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter.

It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird".









Courtesy of:  http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/wholetruthjoke.html
http://people.bu.edu/wwildman/WeirdWildWeb/jokes_truth.htm#A%20Fine%20Bunch

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Stupid

                                  Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2017


http://www.dictionary.com/browse/stupid
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stupid
https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/stupid
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/stupid
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=stupid
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stupidity
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/stupid


Jokes

What did one wall say to the other wall? 
 I’ll meet you at the corner.

 Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? 
 They both depend on the batter.

Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? 
Because he wanted to work over-time!
How did the farmer mend his pants? 
 With cabbage patches!

Why did the man put his money in the freezer? 
He wanted cold hard cash!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 
Frostbite.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? 
 Because he had no-body to go with. 
I am really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y.

Why can't bicycles stand up on their own?
Cause they are two tired.

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They both got six months.

I was wondering why the frisbee eating bigger?
Then it hit me.

What is the definition of an engineer?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

Whats blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint

What is grey and can't fly?
A parking lot.

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was registered as a six offender.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun/
A roamin Catholic.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 
" Why the long face? "

The horse replies
'' Mt alcoholism is destroying my family."

Courtesy of:
 http://buzzsouthafrica.com/funny-stupid-jokes/
http://www.funnyworm.com/p/funny-stupid-jokes/
http://www.dumb.com/jokes/funny_jokes
http://distractify.com/humor/2015/08/27/amazing-jokes-1197926903
Google.com

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)