Spring

                               Copyright 2017 Lucy Drumonde
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spring_(season)
https://www.reference.com/science/month-spring-start-521a84d71c4ac966
http://www.almanac.com/content/first-day-seasons-2017
http://www.metoffice.gov.uk/learning/learn-about-the-weather/how-weather-works/when-does-spring-start
https://days.to/until/spring


Jokes
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!

Spring Fever 
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?" 

What flowers grow on faces? 
Tulips (Two-lips)! 

Why are trees very forgiving? 
Because in the Fall they "Let It Go" and in the Spring they "turn over a new leaf". 

Why is the letter A like a flower?
 A bee (B) comes after it! 

When do people start using their trampoline? 
Spring-Time 

What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
 A hot cross bunny 

What did the tree say to spring?
What a re-leaf.

 What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
Lily! 

What does the Easter Bunny order at a Chinese Restaurant? 
Hop Suey! 
When do monkeys fall from the sky? 
During Ape-ril showers! 

Can February March? 
No, but April May! 

Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
Because they've just finished a long, 31 day March! 

What season is it when you are on a trampoline? 
Spring-time! 





















Courtesy of:http://www.funology.com/seasonal-jokes
http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/weatherjokes/springjokes.html

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Temperature

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

So how hot can it be

when one can be just as cold as can be

Lets see

what is to be

only one can see

as make believe

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temperature
http://www.onlineconversion.com/temperature.htm
http://www.temperatureworld.com
http://eo.ucar.edu/skymath/tmp2.html
http://www.convert-me.com/en/convert/temperature


JOkes

 HOW HOT IS IT? - ODE TO TEXAS

  The devil wanted a place on earth
  Sort of a summer home
  A place to spend his vacation
  Whenever he wanted to roam.

  So he picked out Texas
  A place both wretched and rough
  Where the climate was to his liking
  And the cowboys hardened and tough.

  He dried up the streams in the canyons
  And ordered no rain to fall
  He dried up the lakes in the valleys
  Then baked and scorched it all.

  Then over his barren country
  He transplanted shrubs from hell.
  The cactus, thistle and prickly pear
  The climate suited them well.

  Now the home was much to his liking
  But animal life, he had none.
  So he created crawling creatures
  That all mankind would shun.

  First he made the rattlesnake
  With it's forked poisonous tongue.
  Taught it to strike and rattle
  And how to swallow it's young.

  Then he made scorpions and lizards
  And the ugly old horned toad.
  He placed spiders of every description
  Under rocks by the side of the road.

  Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter,
  Hotter and hotter still.
  Until even the cactus wilted
  And the old horned lizard took ill.

  Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom
  As any creator would
  He chuckled a little up his sleeve
  And admitted that it was good.

  'Twas summer now and Satan lay
  By a prickly pear to rest.
  The sweat rolled off his swarthy brow
  So he took off his coat and vest.

  "By Golly," he finally panted,
  "I did my job too well,
  I'm going back to where I came from,
  Texas is hotter than Hell.

HEAT WAVES CAUSES RANCHERS TO SELL BARBECUE DIRECTLY FROM THE FIELD
 Ranchers in southern states hit be sweltering heat are selling 
fully cooked barbecue right from the livestock.
  "We let the customer choose the cattle and then we hose it down 
with sauce and send it out into the fields.  Within twenty minutes 
the barbecue is piping hot and ready to eat," said a Texas rancher.
  Barbecue restaurants are crying foul over the direct sales of the
product to the public.
  "This damn heat wave is killing the cattle and our business.  We 
can't compete with the lower overhead of the rancher when we provide 
our customers with a table, chairs and fan as well as swat flies," 
said waitress Flo Moore of the "Greasy Fat Dripping Spoon" restaurant
in Amarillo.
  The heat has also changed business for farmers who are using their 
former crop fields as giant baking pans for brownies. 
  "It's the only way I can put my land and this hellish heat to any
use so I'm baking white chocolate, espresso brownies with macadamia
nuts for those rip-off coffee houses, said a farmer in Oklahoma.
Temperature A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He  was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I haven't. Not with a carnation anyway." 

Courtesy of:http://www.yuksrus.com/weather_hottemp.html

http://www.jokes4us.com/winnersjokes/temperaturejoke.html
Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Weather

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weather

http://www.theweathernetwork.com/

http://www.weather.com/

http://www.spaceweather.com/

http://www.weather.com/common/welcomepage/world.html

http://www.internationalweather.net/

JOkes

What person adds best in hot weather? A summer.

     What is a Mexican weather report? Chilli today, hot tamale.

Who is it that everybody listens to but nobody believes? The weatherman.

Gosh, it”s raining cats and dogs, said Fred looking out of the kitchen window. “I know,” said his mother. “I’ve just stepped in a poodle!”
 
There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It’s called Monday.
 What do clouds want to be when they grow up? -Thunderstorms


In the summer desert heat, what did a dust devil say to the over-talkative dust devil? -You are really blowing a lot of hot air

A weather intern walks into a bar and asks for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and gusty cool air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem to get back to normal. The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice. Suddenly the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap things seem to once again get back to normal. Feeling rather good at this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the rocks. This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail stones but ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar violently and break every window. Feeling extra good and cocky at this point he then orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane. The bartender after this request looks up at the guy perplexed and says, “Sorry fella, we have no Hurricanes in Kansas”.

Why did the tornado get arrested? -For speeding, theft, vandalism, assault and murder
 
Where is a tornado put in jail to be punished? -In a high pressure cell What type of music do lightning bolts listen to? -Rock and Roll

Courtesy of  www.free-funny-jokes.com