Spin Doctor

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/spin-doctor.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spin_Doctors

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-spin-doctor.htm

JOkes

Spin doctors!

|What kind of doctors are like spiders?Spin doctors! The body of a spin doctor was pulled from a lake today. Police believe he probably drank more water than was good for him. Spin Doctor Clinic A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small guy faints! The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the small guy. "What's wrong?" The small guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around.'"  Courtesy of: http://www.getamused.com/jokes/spindoctors.html,http://www.thespoof.comand http://jasaracho.blogspot.ca/2005/09/from-my-mailbox-9-jokes.html Thanks...to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Fool

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fool
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fool
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fool

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/fool

JOKes


Strung Up

Attach a string to the back of the victim's desk drawer. Then run it up the wall, into the suspended ceiling, to a small container attached to the ceiling directly over the victim's head. When the drawer is opened the string will be pulled, dropping a shower of confetti onto the victim's head.

1st.Fool of 2010

Am Going To U.S.A.
.
.
.
Don't Worry The Flight Is After 2 Days
.
.
.
Surprised?
?
?
?
After 2 Days it's 1st April,
U r 1st Fool Of 2010







Courtesy of: http://aprilfoolzone.com/office2.htm andhttp://sms4smile.com/category/april-fools-sms

Thanks...to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Understand

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Understanding
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/understanding
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/understanding
http://thesaurus.com/browse/understand

JOkes
A man was on a boat that capsized in the sea. Alhamdulillah the waves cast him up on a desert island. After months of loneliness, a beautiful colored bottle washed up on the beach. The man picked it up and caressed it, admiring its beauty, until a genie came out in a puff of smoke.

Understanding Women:

“Thank you for releasing me from my prison,” the genie said. “I grant you any wish you like. I can’t do magic, but I’m very strong and wise.”

“Wonderful,” the man said. “Build me a bridge back to my country so I can return home.”

“Oh, come on,” the genie said. “Do you have any idea what a massive engineering feat that would be? There’s not enough steel or stone in the world for that. I’m just a simple genie. Wish for something realistic.”

“Okay then,” the man said. “I wish to understand the mind of a woman.”

“Alright,” said the genie, sighing. “Did you want a suspension bridge, cable bridge, or arch bridge?”

Understanding Men:

“IT’S A GUY THING”
Translated: “There is no rational thought or logic connected with it.”

“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Translated: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

Not Understanding

My niece, delivering her first child, requested that her mother and I come into the labor room with her. During one violent contraction she looked up at my sister and said, "Mom, please help me. The pains are really bad."My niece then turned to me. "Maricela, please help me," she implored. "Mom doesn’t understand what I’m going through.""Honey," my sister replied, "there isn’t anything I can do."

Courtesy of: http://www.zawaj.com/joke-understanding-women-understanding-men and//www.rd.com/laughs/not-understanding-joke
Thanks...to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Lease

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lease

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1263846/Mother-law-jokes-new-lease-life-online.html

Lease nuclear weapons

Lease a Nuke!

Want power and respect? Want to influence the course of world events? Want to be on CNN every night? Tired of hum-drum conventional warfare and messy bio-chemical weapons? Want to watch the citizens of your favorite ecology squirm and sweat in constant nagging fear of instant and unexpected annihilation?

Lease a nuclear device!

In the wake of the former Soviet Union's demise, there are literally thousand of high-quality nuclear weapons complete with intercontinental delivery systems going unused.

Though these systems are indeed powerful and destructive weapons of war, they are most effective when used in a more passive role. The US and USSR have proven in years of research and actual testing that nuclear devices are most effective when merely targeting an enemy. Actual detonation is not normally necessary to achieve tremendous effect in the designated target's military, political, economic and social well being.

Imagine the boost in national pride and morale when you personally announce on state radio and television that you have put long-time enemies under threat of nuclear destruction. They will praise your name as a powerful and inspired leader even without the secret police's encouragement.

Why lease?

By leasing, you not only save money developing your own nuclear technology program, you save a lot of unnecessary headaches too.

Nuclear weapons development is expensive and time consuming, not to mention easily detectable. It could take you years to acquire and build the necessary industry to manufacture weapons-grade material. Even after that, you still have to design, build and test your first device before anyone takes you seriously.

Purchasing existing nuclear hardware is also expensive and risky. Most governments are on the lookout for such activity. Many dealers are crooked. Do you really want to take a chance getting ripped off by shady weapons dealers?

Even if you succeed purchasing through the black market, you stand the risk of getting on the wrong side of international opinion. You could lose existing conventional arms contracts, face economic sanctions or even military action.

With a lease you avoid a lot of other problems too. Since the weapons are not on your property, you avoid becoming a target yourself. You can forget about the high cost of security, environmental pollution concerns and even subversion by renegade generals in your own army.

The advantages of leasing are tremendous. You just sign, point, and go! When you are through leasing, just turn in the button and walk away. You can even change your target at any time for a small fee. (Handy for preventing those nasty coup d' etats.) You can announce your target or keep it secret. Each targeted device contract comes with a certificate of authenticity and sufficient proof actual delivery capability.

The best part is, you don't pay for the whole weapon, unless you actually fire it! This alone presents a HUGE cost savings over the alternatives.

Imagine the power and prestige you will feel when you get your very own button. You can do things you never thought possible, like pounding your shoe on the UN podium. Hey, and nothing says sexy like a nuclear trigger.

Hurry, opportunities are limited! Contact Raydeax Corporation for more details on how you too can become an instant nuclear world power.

Dr. Nuketopia,

Technology Director of the World-Wide Monetary Conspiracy
(Opinions strictly reflect the party line)

 According To The Lease 

A woman called a pet store and said, "Send me 450 cockroaches immediately.""Lady, why in the world would you want 450 cockroaches?" asked the flabbergasted clerk.
"Well," she explained, "I'm moving out today and according to my lease, I must leave the premises exactly as I found them."

Courtesy of: http://www.uberhaha.com/joke.php?joke_id=160  and http://www.ncbuy.com/humor/jokes_view.html?jkv=11838
Thanks...to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)