Temperature

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

So how hot can it be

when one can be just as cold as can be

Lets see

what is to be

only one can see

as make believe

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temperature
http://www.onlineconversion.com/temperature.htm
http://www.temperatureworld.com
http://eo.ucar.edu/skymath/tmp2.html
http://www.convert-me.com/en/convert/temperature


JOkes

 HOW HOT IS IT? - ODE TO TEXAS

  The devil wanted a place on earth
  Sort of a summer home
  A place to spend his vacation
  Whenever he wanted to roam.

  So he picked out Texas
  A place both wretched and rough
  Where the climate was to his liking
  And the cowboys hardened and tough.

  He dried up the streams in the canyons
  And ordered no rain to fall
  He dried up the lakes in the valleys
  Then baked and scorched it all.

  Then over his barren country
  He transplanted shrubs from hell.
  The cactus, thistle and prickly pear
  The climate suited them well.

  Now the home was much to his liking
  But animal life, he had none.
  So he created crawling creatures
  That all mankind would shun.

  First he made the rattlesnake
  With it's forked poisonous tongue.
  Taught it to strike and rattle
  And how to swallow it's young.

  Then he made scorpions and lizards
  And the ugly old horned toad.
  He placed spiders of every description
  Under rocks by the side of the road.

  Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter,
  Hotter and hotter still.
  Until even the cactus wilted
  And the old horned lizard took ill.

  Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom
  As any creator would
  He chuckled a little up his sleeve
  And admitted that it was good.

  'Twas summer now and Satan lay
  By a prickly pear to rest.
  The sweat rolled off his swarthy brow
  So he took off his coat and vest.

  "By Golly," he finally panted,
  "I did my job too well,
  I'm going back to where I came from,
  Texas is hotter than Hell.

HEAT WAVES CAUSES RANCHERS TO SELL BARBECUE DIRECTLY FROM THE FIELD
 Ranchers in southern states hit be sweltering heat are selling 
fully cooked barbecue right from the livestock.
  "We let the customer choose the cattle and then we hose it down 
with sauce and send it out into the fields.  Within twenty minutes 
the barbecue is piping hot and ready to eat," said a Texas rancher.
  Barbecue restaurants are crying foul over the direct sales of the
product to the public.
  "This damn heat wave is killing the cattle and our business.  We 
can't compete with the lower overhead of the rancher when we provide 
our customers with a table, chairs and fan as well as swat flies," 
said waitress Flo Moore of the "Greasy Fat Dripping Spoon" restaurant
in Amarillo.
  The heat has also changed business for farmers who are using their 
former crop fields as giant baking pans for brownies. 
  "It's the only way I can put my land and this hellish heat to any
use so I'm baking white chocolate, espresso brownies with macadamia
nuts for those rip-off coffee houses, said a farmer in Oklahoma.
Temperature A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He  was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I haven't. Not with a carnation anyway." 

Courtesy of:http://www.yuksrus.com/weather_hottemp.html

http://www.jokes4us.com/winnersjokes/temperaturejoke.html
Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)