Life

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life
http://life.time.com


JOkes
THINGS TO PONDER....... 

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?


Aging Fast
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?.... "I'm four and a half "....You're never 36 and a half....you're four and a half going on five! 

That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens....you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony....you BECOME 21...YES!!!

But then you turn 30....ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk....He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now.

What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.....stay over there, it's all slipping away........

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50.....and your dreams are gone.

Then you MAKE IT to 60.....you didn't think you'd make it!!!!

So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60......then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!

After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday.... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30, my grandmother won't even buy green bananas....it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.

And it doesn't end there....into the 90's you start going backwards.... I was JUST 92...

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.... "I'm 100 and a half!!!!"

A magician is working on a cruise ship, but there is one problem. The captain’s parrot watches every show he does, and after figuring out the tricks, the parrot has started yelling out the secrets of how the tricks are done.  
  The bird says, “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or “Hey! He’s hiding the flowers under
the table!”
  The magician is enraged.  But it’s the captain’s parrot, so he can’t do anything about it.
  One day on a long cruise, there is an accident.  The ship crashes and sinks.  The magician and the parrot find themselves clinging to the same plank of wood in the middle
of the ocean.  For days neither says anything.  Finally, after a week with no hope in sight,
the parrot says, “Okay, I give up.  Where’s the ship?” 


Jean Paul, a Cajun, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died.” “Well then, just give me my money back.” “Can’t do that, I went and spent it already.”
 “OK then, just unload the donkey.”
 “What are you gonna do with him?”
 “I’m gonna raffle him off.”
 “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”
 “Sure, I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anyone he’s dead.”
 A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, “What happened with the dead donkey?”
 “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a piece and made a profit of $898.”
 “Didn’t anyone complain?” “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back.”
















Courtesy of:http://www.jokesandhumor.com/jokes/149.html
http://laughwithlife.net/jokes.html

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

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