Therapy

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Therapy

http://www.goodtherapy.org

http://www.therapytorontotherapist.ca

http://spadinatherapycentre.com

http://www.therapyintoronto.com

http://therapytoronto.ca/toronto_psychotherapists.phtml

http://www.ot.utoronto.ca

http://psychcentral.com/psychotherapy

https://www.betterhelp.com/

JOkes

Low self-esteem

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

I often feel guilty

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"

Patient Likes Sausages
Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages.

Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.

Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.

Emoticons for Psychiatric Med Management

:-)        stable. cont Prozac 40mg. f/u 3 mos.
:-))       reduce Prozac to 20mg. f/u 1mo.
:-))))     d/c Prozac. add lithium 300 tid. check TSH, cretonne, lithium level. f/u 1wk.
:-D       add depakote.  check valproic acid level, Liver Panel, CBC. f/u 1wk.
:-|        stable. cont Prozac 40 mg. f/u 1mo.
:-(        increase Prozac to 60mg. f/u 2wk.
:'-(       add wellbutrin SR 150mg. f/u 1wk.
X-(       call 911. send to ER. check for OD.
:*}       check breathalyzer. refer to AA.
%-}      weekly tox screen. refer to AA/NA.
:-&@?  add haldol 2mg bid.
|-0        d/c ambien.
:-#       d/c elavil. use hard candies.
;-P      d/c haldol. add clozapine. AIMS exam. vitamin E 800 iu bid.
:-)~      reduce haldol. add cogent in to reduce sialorrhea.
;-)        establish boundaries. do not schedule at end of day.
;-x        see with chaperon only.

The Psychiatrist asked the Zen Master:
Psychiatrist: "Tell me great one, how do you deal with neurotics?"
The Zen Master replied: " I get them to where they can't ask any more questions."


Cognitive Restructuring
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.

Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air.

When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together.
He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!"

Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"

BURNOUT PREVENTION AND RECOVERY TECHNIQUES

Health Tips for the 90s and Their Microsoft Counterparts

1. STOP DENYING

Listen to the wisdom of your body. Begin to freely admit the stresses

and pressures which have manifested physically, mentally, or

emotionally.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Work until the physical pain forces you into

unconsciousness.

2. AVOID ISOLATION

Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew intimacies with friends

and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new insights, but also is

anathema to agitation and depression.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Shut your office door and lock it from the inside so

no one will distract you. They're just trying to hurt your

productivity.

3. CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES

If your job, your relationships, a situation, or a person is dragging

you under, try to alter your circumstances or, if necessary, leave.

MICROSOFT VIEW: If you feel something is dragging you down, suppress

these thoughts. This is a weakness. Drink more coffee. (It's free.)

4. DIMINISH INTENSITY IN YOUR LIFE

Pinpoint those areas or aspects which summon up the most concentrated

intensity and work toward alleviating that pressure.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Increase intensity. Maximum intensity = maximum

productivity. If you find yourself relaxed and with your mind

wandering, you are probably having a detrimental effect on the stock

price.

5. STOP OVER NURTURING

If you routinely take on other people's problems and responsibilities,

learn to gracefully disengage. Try to get some nurturing for yourself.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Always attempt to do everything. You ARE responsible

for it all. Perhaps you haven't thoroughly read your job description.

6. LEARN TO SAY "NO"

You'll help diminish intensity by speaking up for yourself. This means

refusing additional requests or demands on your time or emotions.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Never say no to anything. It shows weakness and lowers

the stock price. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do at

midnight.

7. BEGIN TO BACK OFF AND DETACH

Learn to delegate, not only at work, but also at home and with

friends. In this case, detachment means rescuing yourself for

yourself.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Delegating is a sign of weakness. Let someone else do

it (see #5).

8. REASSESS YOUR VALUES

Try to sort out the meaningful values from the temporary and fleeting,

the essential from the nonessential. You'll conserve energy and time,

and begin to feel more centered.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Stop thinking about your own problems. This is

selfish. If your values change, we will make an announcement at the

company meeting. Until then, if someone calls you and questions your

priorities, tell them that you are unable to comment on this and give

them the number for Microsoft Marketing. It will be taken care of.

9. LEARN TO PACE YOURSELF

Try to take life in moderation. You only have so much energy

available. Ascertain what is wanted and needed in your life, then

begin to balance work with love, pleasure, and relaxation.

MICROSOFT VIEW: A balanced life is a myth perpetuated by the Lotus

Marketing Team. Don't be a fool: the only thing that matters is work

and productivity.

10. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY

Don't skip meals, abuse yourself with rigid diets, disregard your need

for sleep, or break doctor appointments. Take care of yourself

nutritionally.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Your body serves your mind, your mind serves the

company. Push the mind and the body will follow. Drink Mountain Dew.

(It's free.)

11. DIMINISH WORRY AND ANXIETY

Try to keep superstitious worrying to a minimumóit changes nothing.

You'll have a better grip on your situation if you spend less time

worrying and more time taking care of your real needs.

MICROSOFT VIEW: If you're not worrying about work, you must not be

very committed to it. We'll find someone who is.

12. KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR

Begin to bring joy and happy moments into your life. Very few people

suffer burnout when they're having fun.

MICROSOFT VIEW: So, you think your work is funny? We'll discuss this

with your manager on Friday. At 7:00 pm.

Courtesy of:http://www.ahajokes.com/p002.html

http://www.bouldertherapist.com/html/humor/Humor.html

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

DISCLAIMER: This Blog is not meant to offend.SPREAD THE LAUGHTER