Diplomacy

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

Diplomats don't have to understand something to tell you about it.

                                 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diplomacy

JOkes
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says,

"I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!"
"Oh, no! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."
"I also heard that you've been calling me fat!"
"Oh, no! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."
"I also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!"
"Oh, no! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"


A Diplomat is a person who...


always knows what to talk about, but doesn't always talk about
what he knows.
always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats.
can always make himself misunderstood.
can bring home the bacon without spilling the beans.
can convince his wife not to hide her nice body under a
floor-length sable.
can convince his wife to show off her new coat in a bus rather
than in a taxi.
can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.
can keep his shirt on while getting something off his chest.
can look happy when he has unexpected dinner guests.
can make his wife believe she will look fat in a mink coat.
can make nothing sound like something.
can put his best foot forward when he doesn't have a leg to
stand on.
can put his foot down without stepping on some one's toes.
can say the nastiest things in the nicest way.
can tell a man he's open-minded when he means he has a hole
in his head.
can tell you to go to hell so tactfully that you look forward
to the trip.
comes right out and says what he thinks when he agrees with you.
divides his time between running for office and running for cover.
has a straightforward way of dodging issues.
knows how far to go before he goes too far.
lets you do all the talking while he gets what he wants.
never tells a woman how nice she looks in a gown. He tells her
how nice the gown looks on her.
puts his cards on the table, but still has some up each sleeve.
straddles an issue whenever he isn't dodging one.
will approach every question with an open mouth.
will lay down your life for his country.
will refuse to answer any question on the ground it might
eliminate him.

Use Diplomacy

One summer, an old professor got a job on the railway as a steward. On his first day, he was accompanied by another steward to learn the ropes. "The job is really quite simple," said his tutor, "just remember to use diplomacy."
"What to you mean by diplomacy?" asked the professor, since that was something he'd never needed while teaching. The steward-in-charge replied, "Watch me and I'll show you."
They proceeded down the train corridor, rattling compartment doors, opening them with their keys and offering tea or coffee. When the steward-in-charge flung open one door, before him stood a buck-naked woman. Without batting an eyelid, he calmly asked, "Tea or coffee, sir?"
The startled woman took a cup of coffee and he closed the door.
"Wow, did you see that cutie?" said the old professor excitedly. "She didn't have a stitch of clothing on! But, why did you call her 'sir'?"
"That's diplomacy!" explained his tutor. "I didn't want to embarrass her."
The old professor was very impressed with his teacher.
The following day, working on his own, the old professor flung open a compartment door and found a couple making love on the bed.
Remaining calm, he asked, "Tea or coffee, sir?"
"Tea," replied the man.
"And for your brother?"





Courtesy of www.antion..com,www.miteshasher.blogspot.com,and www.getamused.com