Stupid

                                  Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2017


http://www.dictionary.com/browse/stupid
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stupid
https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/stupid
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/stupid
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=stupid
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stupidity
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/stupid


Jokes

What did one wall say to the other wall? 
 I’ll meet you at the corner.

 Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? 
 They both depend on the batter.

Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? 
Because he wanted to work over-time!
How did the farmer mend his pants? 
 With cabbage patches!

Why did the man put his money in the freezer? 
He wanted cold hard cash!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 
Frostbite.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? 
 Because he had no-body to go with. 
I am really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y.

Why can't bicycles stand up on their own?
Cause they are two tired.

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They both got six months.

I was wondering why the frisbee eating bigger?
Then it hit me.

What is the definition of an engineer?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

Whats blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint

What is grey and can't fly?
A parking lot.

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was registered as a six offender.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun/
A roamin Catholic.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 
" Why the long face? "

The horse replies
'' Mt alcoholism is destroying my family."

Courtesy of:
 http://buzzsouthafrica.com/funny-stupid-jokes/
http://www.funnyworm.com/p/funny-stupid-jokes/
http://www.dumb.com/jokes/funny_jokes
http://distractify.com/humor/2015/08/27/amazing-jokes-1197926903
Google.com

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Mental Health

                                 Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2017

                                                   

                            wikipeda mental health 

                            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychiatry 

                            http://www.ccohs.ca/healthyminds/

                            https://helixhealthcaregroup.com/mental-health/

                            http://www.cmha.ca/mental-health/

                            http://ontario.cmha.ca

                            

Seeking a health professional for better mental health.

Seeking a health professional is not the easiest thing to do.

It takes courage to seek out and ask for help.

there are many options in which a person may take.

One can seek a Psychiatrist, therapist or counselling that is financially reasonable.

The choice is yours whichever is more comfortable.

It is always best to try and keep options open.

There is online therapy, dialectical, cognitive behavior therapy, clinical psychologists, counsellors.

Choosing online therapy is also anonymous and can be useful in the presence and safety in your own home.

All clinicians must adhere to strict codes of confidentiality.

Give online therapy a try in the privacy of your own home. Having an online Psychiatrist, clinical psychologists, counsellor or therapist can improve the quality of one’s own mental health.

Lucy Drumonde

                                                 Jokes 

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”

― Rodney Dangerfield

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

George Carlin

“1 in 5 people have dandruff. 1 in 4 people have a mental health problem. I’ve had both. ”

Ruby Wax

Doctor ! Doctor ! I think I'm 
going 
crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear.
Amazing ! so you have. 
How could that have happened ?
I can't understand it either, 
because I planted cabbage !

Patient: Why did you 
charge me a 
group rate?
Psychiatrist: You've got multiple personalities.

 If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

- If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

- If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

- If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

- If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

- If you are a depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

- If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969696969.

- If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

- If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

- If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

- If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

- If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

- If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.

- If you are a blonde, don't press any buttons - you'll just mess it up.”

Courtesy of: :https://traumadissociation.wordpress.com/2015/02/17/mental-health-humor/
 http://jokes.skem9.co.uk/cat/Mental-health-jokes/
http://www.tensionnot.com/jokes/one_liner_jokes/mental_health_helpline

Relationships

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2014

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relationship

http://www.psychologytoday.com/topics/relationships

http://www.helpguide.org/topics/relationships.htm

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573

Jokes

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

It Started Joke

John walks into his 5th floor apartment after a long day of work, he exhaustively sinks into his favorite arm chair, puts up his footrest, turns on the TV, and turns to his wife Hannah, “Honey, please get me a hard drink, I think it’s about to start.” Hannah rolls her eyes, heads to the kitchen, takes out a beer from the fridge, and brings it to John. “Honey”, said John, two minutes later, “please get me another one quickly before it starts.” “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING!” Hannah exclaimed, “DO YOU THINK I’M YOUR PERSONAL WAITER!? YOU PLOP YOURSELF DOWN ON YOUR EASY CHAIR AND EXPECT ME TO BE ON YOUR BECK AND CALL!? IS THAT ALL I’M GOOD FOR!? John sighs, and mutters under his breath, “it started….”

Ten Short Relationship Jokes

1. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
2. Love is grand... Divorce is 75 grand.
3. Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. - Swedish Proverb
4. Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. - Leo Buscaglia
5. Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings. - Miles Franklin
6. Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 'Pooh!' he whispered. 'Yes, Piglet?' 'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. 'I just wanted to be sure of you.' - A.A. Milne
7. You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. - Wayne W. Dyer
8. Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. - Anonymous
9. Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak. - Epictetus
10. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage and Children: A Funny Story

'Hello,' uttered the Father, 'and how is Mrs Irwin this fine day? Didn't I marry you two years ago?' Lorna Irwin was striding down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Mara.

Lorna replied, 'That you did Father.'

The priest inquired, 'And are there any little ones yet?' 
'No, not yet Father,' murmured Lorna Irwin.

'Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you.' 
'Thank you, Father.'

A few years later they met again. 
'Well, now, Mrs Irwin," said Father O'Mara, 'and how are you?' 
'Oh, very well,' responded Lorna.

'And tell me,' said the Reverend Father, 'have you any little ones yet?' 
'Oh yes, Father O'Mara,' answered Lorna Irwin, 'I've had three sets of twins, and four singles: ten in all.'

'Now isn't that wonderful,' rejoined Father O'Mara, 'And how is your lovely husband?' 
'Oh, Basil,' she replied, 'now he's gone to Rome. To blow out the damn candle!'

Good Women Are Hard to Find

Nigel and Stephen, are keen fishermen and wine drinkers; here you can see a photo taken while they are enjoying some night fishing while on holiday, with their wives, in Poitou-Charente, France, last year.

Slurping a large Bordeaux Supérieur, Nigel announces, 'I think I'm going to divorce my wife, she hasn't spoken to me in eighteen months.'

Stephen downs his glass of the red wine thoughtfully and after a while responds, 'Think it over a bit more, Nige; women like that are hard to find.'

Courtesy of:http://www.greatcleanjokes.com/jokes/marriage-humor/relationship-jokes/

http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/relationship-jokes

http://www.guy-sports.com/months/jokes_relationships.htm#Another_Tranche_of_Marriage_and_Relationship_Jokes_

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Please remember ...it is in all good fun:

Therapy

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Therapy

http://www.goodtherapy.org

http://www.therapytorontotherapist.ca

http://spadinatherapycentre.com

http://www.therapyintoronto.com

http://therapytoronto.ca/toronto_psychotherapists.phtml

http://www.ot.utoronto.ca

http://psychcentral.com/psychotherapy

https://www.betterhelp.com/

JOkes

Low self-esteem

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

I often feel guilty

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"

Patient Likes Sausages
Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages.

Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.

Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.

Emoticons for Psychiatric Med Management

:-)        stable. cont Prozac 40mg. f/u 3 mos.
:-))       reduce Prozac to 20mg. f/u 1mo.
:-))))     d/c Prozac. add lithium 300 tid. check TSH, cretonne, lithium level. f/u 1wk.
:-D       add depakote.  check valproic acid level, Liver Panel, CBC. f/u 1wk.
:-|        stable. cont Prozac 40 mg. f/u 1mo.
:-(        increase Prozac to 60mg. f/u 2wk.
:'-(       add wellbutrin SR 150mg. f/u 1wk.
X-(       call 911. send to ER. check for OD.
:*}       check breathalyzer. refer to AA.
%-}      weekly tox screen. refer to AA/NA.
:-&@?  add haldol 2mg bid.
|-0        d/c ambien.
:-#       d/c elavil. use hard candies.
;-P      d/c haldol. add clozapine. AIMS exam. vitamin E 800 iu bid.
:-)~      reduce haldol. add cogent in to reduce sialorrhea.
;-)        establish boundaries. do not schedule at end of day.
;-x        see with chaperon only.

The Psychiatrist asked the Zen Master:
Psychiatrist: "Tell me great one, how do you deal with neurotics?"
The Zen Master replied: " I get them to where they can't ask any more questions."


Cognitive Restructuring
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.

Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air.

When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together.
He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!"

Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"

BURNOUT PREVENTION AND RECOVERY TECHNIQUES

Health Tips for the 90s and Their Microsoft Counterparts

1. STOP DENYING

Listen to the wisdom of your body. Begin to freely admit the stresses

and pressures which have manifested physically, mentally, or

emotionally.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Work until the physical pain forces you into

unconsciousness.

2. AVOID ISOLATION

Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew intimacies with friends

and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new insights, but also is

anathema to agitation and depression.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Shut your office door and lock it from the inside so

no one will distract you. They're just trying to hurt your

productivity.

3. CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES

If your job, your relationships, a situation, or a person is dragging

you under, try to alter your circumstances or, if necessary, leave.

MICROSOFT VIEW: If you feel something is dragging you down, suppress

these thoughts. This is a weakness. Drink more coffee. (It's free.)

4. DIMINISH INTENSITY IN YOUR LIFE

Pinpoint those areas or aspects which summon up the most concentrated

intensity and work toward alleviating that pressure.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Increase intensity. Maximum intensity = maximum

productivity. If you find yourself relaxed and with your mind

wandering, you are probably having a detrimental effect on the stock

price.

5. STOP OVER NURTURING

If you routinely take on other people's problems and responsibilities,

learn to gracefully disengage. Try to get some nurturing for yourself.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Always attempt to do everything. You ARE responsible

for it all. Perhaps you haven't thoroughly read your job description.

6. LEARN TO SAY "NO"

You'll help diminish intensity by speaking up for yourself. This means

refusing additional requests or demands on your time or emotions.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Never say no to anything. It shows weakness and lowers

the stock price. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do at

midnight.

7. BEGIN TO BACK OFF AND DETACH

Learn to delegate, not only at work, but also at home and with

friends. In this case, detachment means rescuing yourself for

yourself.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Delegating is a sign of weakness. Let someone else do

it (see #5).

8. REASSESS YOUR VALUES

Try to sort out the meaningful values from the temporary and fleeting,

the essential from the nonessential. You'll conserve energy and time,

and begin to feel more centered.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Stop thinking about your own problems. This is

selfish. If your values change, we will make an announcement at the

company meeting. Until then, if someone calls you and questions your

priorities, tell them that you are unable to comment on this and give

them the number for Microsoft Marketing. It will be taken care of.

9. LEARN TO PACE YOURSELF

Try to take life in moderation. You only have so much energy

available. Ascertain what is wanted and needed in your life, then

begin to balance work with love, pleasure, and relaxation.

MICROSOFT VIEW: A balanced life is a myth perpetuated by the Lotus

Marketing Team. Don't be a fool: the only thing that matters is work

and productivity.

10. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY

Don't skip meals, abuse yourself with rigid diets, disregard your need

for sleep, or break doctor appointments. Take care of yourself

nutritionally.

MICROSOFT VIEW: Your body serves your mind, your mind serves the

company. Push the mind and the body will follow. Drink Mountain Dew.

(It's free.)

11. DIMINISH WORRY AND ANXIETY

Try to keep superstitious worrying to a minimumóit changes nothing.

You'll have a better grip on your situation if you spend less time

worrying and more time taking care of your real needs.

MICROSOFT VIEW: If you're not worrying about work, you must not be

very committed to it. We'll find someone who is.

12. KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR

Begin to bring joy and happy moments into your life. Very few people

suffer burnout when they're having fun.

MICROSOFT VIEW: So, you think your work is funny? We'll discuss this

with your manager on Friday. At 7:00 pm.

Courtesy of:http://www.ahajokes.com/p002.html

http://www.bouldertherapist.com/html/humor/Humor.html

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

DISCLAIMER: This Blog is not meant to offend.SPREAD THE LAUGHTER