Goverment

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2018

https://www.thefreedictionary.com/Goverment

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Government

http://www.yourdictionary.com/goverment

Jokes

Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

What's the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you're out if you're caught stealing.

I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Don't steal. That's the government's job.

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.

If you are not part of the solution, you're probably running for President

When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.

Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.

George W. Bush went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan. The doctor said: "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side." Bush interrupted, "Well, that’s normal, isn’t it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?" The doctor replied, "That’s true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn’t anything right, while on the right side there isn’t anything left."

What's the difference between government bonds and men?

Bonds mature.

Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.

It was then observed that 100 % of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

 A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

Politician got a bribe of five hundred thousand dollars. When he brought it home, his wife asked him: “Where did you get this money, honey?” He answered: “If somebody asks, that’s the money your grandma left us.”

Courtesy of:https://onelinefun.com/political/3/

https://unijokes.com/political-jokes/

http://jokes4all.net/government-jokes

https://humoropedia.com/funny-political-jokes/

Google Images

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Stupid

                                  Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2017


http://www.dictionary.com/browse/stupid
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stupid
https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/stupid
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/stupid
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=stupid
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stupidity
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/stupid


Jokes

What did one wall say to the other wall? 
 I’ll meet you at the corner.

 Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? 
 They both depend on the batter.

Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? 
Because he wanted to work over-time!
How did the farmer mend his pants? 
 With cabbage patches!

Why did the man put his money in the freezer? 
He wanted cold hard cash!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 
Frostbite.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? 
 Because he had no-body to go with. 
I am really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y.

Why can't bicycles stand up on their own?
Cause they are two tired.

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They both got six months.

I was wondering why the frisbee eating bigger?
Then it hit me.

What is the definition of an engineer?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

Whats blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint

What is grey and can't fly?
A parking lot.

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was registered as a six offender.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun/
A roamin Catholic.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 
" Why the long face? "

The horse replies
'' Mt alcoholism is destroying my family."

Courtesy of:
 http://buzzsouthafrica.com/funny-stupid-jokes/
http://www.funnyworm.com/p/funny-stupid-jokes/
http://www.dumb.com/jokes/funny_jokes
http://distractify.com/humor/2015/08/27/amazing-jokes-1197926903
Google.com

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Alphabet

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alphabet

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_alphabet

http://www.learningplanet.com/act/fl/aact/index.asp

http://www.ngfl-cymru.org.uk/vtc/ngfl/ngfl-flash/alphabet-eng/alphabet.htm

http://www.canadafreepress.com/2005/bedford123005.htm

http://www.alphabet.com/

http://www.utexas.edu/world/univ/alpha/

http://www.playkidsgames.com/alphabetGames.htm

JOkes

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove unattended, it could spell disaster.

Get rid of X. There's too many unknowns in the world already!

(Only one vowel left, or is that "Anly ana vawal laft" This may be stretching it a bit, but not unless you consider, as our good friends in Canada say: Good day, A!
And we all know that M&Ms melt in your mouth, so it's safe to count them out.

And of course, Y not.

We might as well put off using U until later in the year: See U in September

TWA just took off!!

Little Johhny alphabet joke.

It was the first day of third grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn’t get past 20. Little Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done.

His dad nodded and told him, "That’s because you are from Alabama, son."
The next day, in Language Class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It’s third grade, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school.


His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That’s because you are from Alabama, son."
The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well endowed." This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I’m from Alabama?" he asked.
"No, son," explained his Dad, "That’s because you’re 18."

A's for arthritis,

B's the bad back,

C's the chest pains - perhaps car-d-iac?

D is for dental decay and decline,

E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure - I'd rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show...
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,

T is for Tinnitus - there's bells in my ears!

U is for urinary... big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.
W is for worry - NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found;
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have - in my mind.
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

Courtesy of:

http://www.ahajokes.com

http://www.lotsofjokes.com
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080229194718AAi2jU9

Thanks ... to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)