Believe

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Believe
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/believe
http://www.cracked.com/article_16556_15-images-you-wont-believe-arent-photoshopped.html

J0kes

I Believe...
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.

8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.

12. I know that the work cycle is not plan-start-finish, but is wait-plan-plan.

13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.

WHAT DO BELIEVE IN, ASKS GOD?

A DCU, a UCD and a Trinity student were in an airplane that crashed, They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses the DCU student first: "What do you believe in?" The DCU Student replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses the UCD student: "What do you believe in?" The UCD student replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die....Waaahhh." God thinks for a second and says: "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then addresses the Trinity student. "What do you believe in?"

"I believe you're in my chair."


Three ministers were out on a lake fishing one fine afternoon. A Protestant minister, an Episcopalian priest and a Catholic priest. They were sitting out in the middle of the lake and the Protestant minister said he had to relieve himself, so he got out of the boat and walked across the water to shore, relieved himself behind a tree.

Then walked back to the boat. The Episcopalian priest did the same thing. The Catholic priest thought to himself, if they can do it, so can I. So he stepped out of the boat and promptly sank to the bottom. The other two looked at each other and one said "Do you think we should have told him about the rocks just under the water?"

Things Republicans Believe
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.


Courtesy of: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Believe/recent#ixzz1RAvfQKmE,www.lifeisajoke.com,and www.about.com/politicalhumor

Thank you to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)