Truth

                                    Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2017

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truth
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/truth
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/truth

Jokes

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug." 

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

The Aging Process...

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half." You're never 36 and a half....you're four and a half going on 5.

A Fine Bunch...

Can you imagine working at this outfit. It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics:

• 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
• 7 have been arrested for fraud
• 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
• 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
• 3 have been arrested for assault
• 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
• 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
• 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
• 21 are current defendants in lawsuits
• In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving

Yes, you guessed it. It's the 535 members of your United States Congress. The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line.

The Historical Orgin of the Middle Finger Gesture...

Note: Steven Ward of Brunel University, London, wrote me to say that "The Historical Origin of the Middle Finger Gesture (MFG) is a bit muddled, you need the middle finger and index finger to fire a bow, the MFG is known in the UK, but we use the victory sign made popular by Churchill reversed, in a similar way." It struck me in response that the French might well consider it sufficient to remove just the middle finger. But what is really needed here is the time machine historian with a video camera to nail down the story.

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore be incapable of fighting in the future.
This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew." Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! PLUCK YEW!"
Over the years, some 'folk etymologies' have grown up around this symbolic gesture. Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say (like "pleasant mother, pheasant plucker", which is who you had to go to for the feathers used on the arrows for the longbow), the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute are mistakenly thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter.

It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird".









Courtesy of:  http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/wholetruthjoke.html
http://people.bu.edu/wwildman/WeirdWildWeb/jokes_truth.htm#A%20Fine%20Bunch

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)