Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.For anyone who is try to quit smoking...
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JOkes
A rabbit escaped from the research laboratory where he had been born and bred. On his first taste of freedom, he met a group of wild rabbits frock in a field.
“Hi,” he said, introducing himself, “I’ve escaped from the laboratory and I’ve never been outside before. What do you rabbits do all day?”
“See that field over? they said. “It’s full of plump, juicy carrots. Care to try some?”So they all went off and ate some carrots. “That was great,” said the escaped rabbit afterwards. “What else do you do?”
“See that field over? they said. “It’s full of fat lettuces. Care to try some?”
So they all went off and devoured the lettuces. “This is brilliant,” said the escaped rabbit afterwards. “I really love it out here in the wild”
“So are you going to stay with us?” they asked“I’d really like to, but I must get back to the laboratory. I’m dying for a cigarette”
A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him
into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to makethem a few drinks, and as he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute
little vase on the mantel.
He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in.
He says “What’s this?”
She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.”He goes, “Geez…oooh….I…”
She says, “Yeah, he’s too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.”
The only thing worse than customs officers searching for contra-band cigarettes is looking in your butt.
Two guys were sitting around talking one day. The first guy said, “Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market.”
“Sounds like you may be bitter because she has changed you so drastically, ” remarked his friend.
The first guy replied, “No, I’m not bitter. Now that I’m so improved, she just isn’t good enough for me.”
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You’re to small to smoke!
Two Old ladies were smoking a cigarette while waiting for a bus. When it started to rain, one of the women reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip, slipped it over the cigarette and continued to smoke.
That’s a good idea, thought her friend, and so the next day she went into a pharmacist’s and asked for a condom.
“What size?” asked the pharmacists.
“One that will fit a Camel.”
There was this guy who wanted to quit smoking. He decided to use the patch to try to quit, but he was very self-conscious about it and thought that it looked ridiculous.
One day, the man was in a public bathroom standing at a urinal. He looked down at the guy standing next to him and noticed that he had a patch on his penis.
Puzzled, the man asked, "Why in the world do you have a nicotine patch on your dick?"
And the man replied, "Well, why not? It's working; I'm down to two butts a day."
Courtesy of http://blog.quitnowsmoker.com and ebaumsworld.com
Thanks ... to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)
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