Advice

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advice

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/advice

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/advice

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/advice

http://www.fco.gov.uk/en/travel-and-living-abroad/travel-advice-by-country

Advice

Hard as ice

like or dislike

the sight

maybe right

look at the plight

the might

to fight for 

what is right

just strike

to hike

one thought

of flight

to justify 

the right

as

advice

hard as ice

JOkes

Funny Bankruptcy Bible Joke

Jack is very depressed. His business has lost a lot of value in the recession and the stock market has taken another turn for the worse.

Jack’s wife urges him to go and talk to the family priest. Jack reluctantly agrees to make an appointment.

Jack sits down and unburdens himself the spiritual adviser. The priest thinks for a long time, but finally he finds a solution.

“Jack, this is what you need to do. Take your Bible and go somewhere peaceful where you can communicate with the Lord. Sit down and meditate and try to accept the Lord in to your heart. When you have reached inner peace I want you to slowly open your Bible and let the wind ruffle the pages. When the wind stops, look down at the page which the Bible is opened to. There you will find your answer.”

Jack is a bit skeptical, but the priest is serious and Jack decides he doesn’t have anything better to do.

The priest doesn’t see Jack again for a few months. One day, Jack shows up at the church in a fancy car and expensive suit and hands the priest an envelope with a large donation to the church.

“Father, I want to thank you for your excellent advice! I followed your instructions to the letter. When the wind finally stopped blowing it took me awhile to find any message, but then I looked at the bottom of the page. Chapter 11!

I want to take money with me

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most--his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."

All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.

While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin."

The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that."

The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

When you know you must really be drunk

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch.

A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, the man told the bartender he’d had enough.

The bartender said, "I’ve got to ask you. What’s with the pocket business?"

"Oh," said the man, "I have my lawyer’s picture in here, and when he starts to look honest, I know I’ve had enough."

I suppose I earned enough

An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown attorney’s office as his lawyer handed him his will. "Your estate is very complex," said the lawyer, "but I’ve made sure that all of your wishes will be executed. Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500."

Just then, the phone rang and the lawyer got involved with a long call. Thinking the lawyer had said "$500," the old man wrote out his check and left.

When she got off the phone and realized the old man’s mistake, the lawyer ran after him down the stairs and into the parking lot just as he drove away. Feeling frustrated, the lawyer looked at the check and decided to accept the situation philosophically. "Oh well," she said to herself, "$500 for half an hour’s work isn’t bad."

Marriage Advice

1.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. 
2.A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 
3.To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. 
4.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all. 
5.Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. 
6.Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. 
7.Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. 
8.Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 
9.A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. 
10.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. 
11.A woman has the last word in any argument. 
12.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. 
13.There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

Courtesy of:http://www.familyfriendjokes.com/jokes/life/advice

http://www.ahajokes.com/law043.html

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/598806/#ThmZl7Z2rVspZWz2.99

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

DISCLAIMER: This Blog is not meant to offend.SPREAD THE LAUGHTER