Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2102
http://www.latex-project.org/
http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/LaTeX
http://www.flobeds.com/ltxwhat.htm
http://www.ams.org/publications/authors/tex/what-is-latex
latex
safe sex
playtex
a test
far from best
I detest
from my chest
can i play the rest
jest
just flex
text
how about the best
less the mess
JOkes
latex
A dentist was about to do surgery on a patient. She seemed to be very nervous, so he decided to crack a little joke.
"Do you know how latex gloves are made?"
The patient shakes her head.
"People with different hand sizes stick their hands in latex and peel them off to get latex gloves."
The patient didn't even crack a smile. 5 minutes later in the middle of the surgery, the patient just bursts out laughing.
"Did you finally get the joke?" the doctor asks.
"No," she says. "I was picturing how condoms were made.
"Do you know how latex gloves are made?"
The patient shakes her head.
"People with different hand sizes stick their hands in latex and peel them off to get latex gloves."
The patient didn't even crack a smile. 5 minutes later in the middle of the surgery, the patient just bursts out laughing.
"Did you finally get the joke?" the doctor asks.
"No," she says. "I was picturing how condoms were made.
| Canonical list of Condom Jokes
CONDOMS DEMYSTIFIED
There are basically three kinds of condoms: unlubricated latex, lubricated latex, and lambskin. The lambskins are no good be- cause they haven't been proven to be a barrier to infection. Anyway, they're really made of lambies and that makes us sad, especially around Easter time. (The real reason we don't like them is that they actually smell like lamb. One is tempted to lubricate them with mint jelly.)There are variations on the basic latex condoms. Some condoms are prelubricated, with spermicidal jelly, even. Others are not. Strictly B.Y.O.K.Y. The strangest variation by far is the ribbed latex condom. Why are these condoms ribbed? This is supposed to be stimulating? Should one attempt to play washboard tunes on it? This is just part of a big problem with condoms. Condoms were, and are, de- signed by men. If Girls Designed Condoms ... What a wonderful world it would be. Skip the ribbing, skip the lube. If women designed condoms there is no question that they would be padded. "But size doesn't matter!" comes a chorus of voices. (The loud- est voices come from boys who are peeking. Stop that right now. Turn to the sports page immediately.) Sure *length* doesn't matter. But give any girl a small dose of truth serum and ask her about width. Admit it. If padded condoms were placed on the market, hordes of screaming women would storm their local druggists and dash out with tote bags full. Unfortunately, it wouldn't work. After all, there is that ticklish issue of boy sensitivity, which we can't overlook, even if we occasionally want to. Padded condoms would rob boys of the skin-to-skin sensation they already claim condoms rob them of, and we can't have that. No, modern women, being kind and sensitive lovers, would design whisper-soft condoms, completely transparent and micro- scopically thin. The paisley, rainbow, and floral-print condoms we designed would be strictly novelty items, kept for special occasions only. Ditto the condoms with cute sayings: "Hang in there, baby, Friday's coming"; "My girlfriend went to Florida and all I got was this lousy condom"; and the classic "I'm with stupid" (arrow pointing back toward the boy). Other specialty items would include the male-ego condom, which, like black olives, come in three sizes: jumbo, colossal, and humongous. Naughty subversives would enjoy the Karen Finley assortment, colorful, decorative condoms that turn ordinary penises into bananas, hot dogs, yams, and more. But I digress. The best place to buy condoms is your local massive drugstore that has them on display, self-serve, just like corn pads or athlete's foot spray. So go shopping. Dress cool, hold your head high, read labels, make your selection. Be assured that most popular brands come with little instruction booklets much like the ones found in boxes of Tampax (uh oh -- don't mix them up!). While at the drugstore, be sure to purchase at least one of the following items: Tickle antiperspirant, Ban Roll-on, or any of the Calvin Klein line of men's grooming aids. You'll need these for impor- tant condom experiments at home. At home, be alone. Light candles. Play inspiring music; any record by Rick James will do. Remove one of the condoms from its packet. Examine it carefully. Then put it to work. Experiment with your slippery new friends; whip those sons-of-gummi-worms into shape. Recruit those deodorant bottles and practice, prac- tice, practice. And how about some new nicknames for the old standbys? Love skins. Slicks. Wet suits. Silk stockings. Eight-by-two glossies. Soon enough, you'll be happy and relaxed, perfectly in control of those silly little slips o' sin. But wait. Some thing's missing. Oh yes, the hard part. I mean the good part. I mean, both. The Condomed Man It is far, far easier to start them on condoms when the relation- ship is young. In fact, the condom is a terrific tool of seduc- tion when you're ready to make the leap between the sheets. Call that someone on the phone and say to him, casual-like, "I just bought a new kind of condom and I'm dying to try it out...want to come over?" Or when out on the town with your paramour, and the clock on the clubhouse wall says thump thump thump, push that hunk against the wall and growl, "Listen, buddy. I've got a condom in my pocket and I'm not afraid to use it. We're going home." Welcome To The Safety Patrol Before you know it, you'll be a veritable connoisseur of condoms. You'll allow them to drop casually out of your purse in front of attractive men at cocktail parties. You'll dispense them to friends, give lessons, perhaps even roll your own. "Oh, handsome boyfriend," you'll soon sigh, "I've always wanted to see you in rubber." And he won't mind one bit. LIST OF POSSIBLE SLOGANS
PROMOTING NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your
trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!
|
A fellow is going on tour of a factory that produces various latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.
"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a noise: Hiss, Hiss, Hiss, Hiss-Pop!
"Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the hiss, hiss is, but what's that pop every so often?"
"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."
"Well, that can't be good for the condom!" the man states.
"Very true, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
A doctor complains to his colleagues about the sanitary problems at a latex glove factory in Mexico.
"Workers stick their hands in melted latex and then dip their hands in a vat of cooling water to solidify the latex. The glove is then thrown in a finished products box."
His colleagues are disgusted by the lack of care taken in keeping the gloves sanitary.
"That's not all," says the doctor. "You don't even want to know how they make their condoms!"
A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves..."Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"
Courtesy of:http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/389265
http://neil.franklin.ch/Jokes_and_Fun/Canon_Comdom.html
http://www.funnyville.com/Funny-Jokes/Latex-Factory.html
http://www.jokebuddha.com/Latex
Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)
DISCLAIMER: This Blog is not meant to offend.SPREAD THE LAUGHTER
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment