Universe

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universe

http://www.atlasoftheuniverse.com

http://www.universetoday.com

http://www.space.com/52-the-expanding-universe-from-the-big-bang-to-today.html

http://scaleofuniverse.com

JOkes

Mysterious Universe

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. 

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"


And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent

Farmer Brown goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.
On the first day the young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fella, time to retire."
The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens. Look at what it did to me!"
The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this, old man. It's time for the old to step aside and the young to take over - so take a hike!"
The old rooster says, "Aw, come on, just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner. We won't bother you."
The young rooster yells, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"
The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets full domain over the chicken coop."
The young rooster smiles, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man. So just to be fair, I will give you a head start."
The two roosters line up in back of the farm house. A hen clucks "Go!" and the old rooster takes off running. About 5 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
Farmer Brown was sitting on the porch, hearing the commotion, he looks up and sees the old rooster running away from the young rooster. Quickly, he grabs his shotgun and BOOM! The young rooster is blown to smithereens!
Farmer Brown sadly shakes his head in disgust and says, "Darn it! That's the third gay rooster I bought this week."

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.

The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget."

A man is concerned about a dull throbbing pain in his knob and seeks medical advice.

His GP tells him: "I'm afraid it's simply wearing out and under normal circumstances there would be nothing I can do to help, however there is a brand new experimental procedure which you could undergo, it involves using part of an elephants trunk, but it does have it's risks in terms of after effects."

"Anything! says the man, "I have an extremely active sex life and can't bear the thought of never being able to shag again".

Off he goes for the operation and 3 weeks later he's passed fit to resume normal sex.

He invites an extremely attractive neighbour over for dinner, things are going really well when he feels a stiring below, his knob becomes so large it's getting painful and he undoes his zip.

With that, his enormous grey appendage leaps out, shoots across the table, takes a bread bun and just as quickly, disappears into his trousers.

"My word!" says his guest, extremely impressed and slightly curious, "can you do that again?".

He replied in a shocked voice "Probably, but I don't think I could fit another bread bun up my arse!"

Courtesy of:www.ebaumsworld.com

http://www.ravetalk.co.uk/forum/risque-jokes-t4805.html

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Please remember ...it is in all good fun:)