Personality

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

Tag by Newfylover1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_psychology
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/personality
http://www.outofservice.com/bigfive
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
http://www.personalitypage.com/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/personality
http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/perscontents.html
http://psychology.about.com/od/overviewofpersonality/a/persondef.htm
http://www.personality-project.org/

JOkes
How did Sigmund’s wife get him turned on? She’d show up wearing only her Freudian slip.

Why did the movie theater employee have to enter therapy for blaming others for his problems? He’s a projectionist.

What does a codependent order for lunch?…I don’t know. What do you think I should say?
Why did the manic-depressive cross the road?…Who cares? What does any of it matter?

What does a dyslexic devil worshiper do on weekends? He worships Santa.

What’s the difference between a psychiatrist and a prostitute? About $20.


What do you ask a multiple personality sufferer after sex? “Well, was it good for you guys, too?”


An ugly guy walks into a bar and asks the best-looking woman if he can buy her a drink. She shouts, “No, I won’t sleep with you, you disgusting pig.” A few minutes later, she apologizes, explaining that she’s a psych student researching humiliation. He shouts back, “What do you mean you’ll do for oral for an extra $20?”


A middle-aged man went to a therapist while facing a mid-life crisis. The doctor encouraged him to get out into the world and travel: “Experience new places. Eat new foods. In my life, I’ve eaten shark and snake. Have you ever had the hump of a camel?” The patient replied: “No, but when I was younger, I was pretty good.”


Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."


The town fathers were not too happy with the sign, and they proposed "Hysteria and Posteriors."
The doctors didn't find it ok, so they suggested "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
The town didn't like that either and countered with "Catatonics and High Colonics."
Thumbs down again. By now the story was in the papers, and suggestions began rolling in:
"Manic-depressives and Anal-retentive."
"Minds and Behinds."
"Lost Souls and Assholes."
"Analysis and Anal Cysts."
"Queers and Rears."
"Nuts and Butts."
"Freaks and Cheeks."
"Loons and Moons."
None of these satisfied one side or the other, but they finally decided on "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."


ATTITUDE
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and ask him for a Phone Call.
Shop-owner replied Sweety this is not a STD, but you can do one call.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
"Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy.
The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting
her lawn.
The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North-Palm beach, Florida."
Again the woman answered in the negative.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said," Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"


Old Couple in the city
This couple had lived together in the old village for over sixty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.
She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning."
"But, madam!", replied the bellman.
"Don't 'But madam' me," she continued.
"You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"

Party Crashers
It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.
She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea....
He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.
Then he asked " Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.
The He smiled and said


"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party".





 
Courtesy of:http://www.psychjokes.com andhttp://www.fropki.com
Thanks ...to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)