Mental Health

                                 Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2017

                                                   

                            wikipeda mental health 

                            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychiatry 

                            http://www.ccohs.ca/healthyminds/

                            https://helixhealthcaregroup.com/mental-health/

                            http://www.cmha.ca/mental-health/

                            http://ontario.cmha.ca

                            

Seeking a health professional for better mental health.

Seeking a health professional is not the easiest thing to do.

It takes courage to seek out and ask for help.

there are many options in which a person may take.

One can seek a Psychiatrist, therapist or counselling that is financially reasonable.

The choice is yours whichever is more comfortable.

It is always best to try and keep options open.

There is online therapy, dialectical, cognitive behavior therapy, clinical psychologists, counsellors.

Choosing online therapy is also anonymous and can be useful in the presence and safety in your own home.

All clinicians must adhere to strict codes of confidentiality.

Give online therapy a try in the privacy of your own home. Having an online Psychiatrist, clinical psychologists, counsellor or therapist can improve the quality of one’s own mental health.

Lucy Drumonde

                                                 Jokes 

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”

― Rodney Dangerfield

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

George Carlin

“1 in 5 people have dandruff. 1 in 4 people have a mental health problem. I’ve had both. ”

Ruby Wax

Doctor ! Doctor ! I think I'm 
going 
crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear.
Amazing ! so you have. 
How could that have happened ?
I can't understand it either, 
because I planted cabbage !

Patient: Why did you 
charge me a 
group rate?
Psychiatrist: You've got multiple personalities.

 If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

- If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

- If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

- If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

- If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

- If you are a depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

- If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969696969.

- If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

- If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

- If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

- If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

- If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

- If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.

- If you are a blonde, don't press any buttons - you'll just mess it up.”

Courtesy of: :https://traumadissociation.wordpress.com/2015/02/17/mental-health-humor/
 http://jokes.skem9.co.uk/cat/Mental-health-jokes/
http://www.tensionnot.com/jokes/one_liner_jokes/mental_health_helpline

Trumped

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2017

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Trump

ttps://twitter.com/search/donald+trump

Jokes

Can I tell you a joke about the wall?

 Never mind you won't get over it. 

Why does Donald Trump pick his nose?

 Because he's the boogeyman. 

Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

 Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all. 

What do you call it, when a brainless creature takes over the world? 

The Trump-ocalypse. 

What is the Beach Boys song "Kokomo" about?
All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts

Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?
Because E.T. eventually went home! 

What does Donald Trump’s wife call it when he takes viagra?
A rigged erection

What’s 18 inches long and hangs in front of an assh*le?
Donald Trump’s tie

What do a thong and Donald Trump’s toupee have in common?

 They both barely cover an assh*le

“What, a suicide bomber? ” I asked.

“No, a surface to hair missile.”

How many Donald Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

Look, we can change the light bulb. That I will tell you. We’re changing it, ok? And I understand what you’re saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say “Is the light bulb really dead?”. That’s what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The light bulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.

Courtesy of:
http://www.amazingjokes.com/jokes/2009-05-10_two-choices.html
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Love-Jokes-And-Riddles/1891753

http://jokes.cc.com/funny-sports/1z59dj/two-prisoners--two-http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/donaldtrumpjokes.html
http://www.quickfunnyjokes.com/trump.html
http://laffgaff.com/donald-trump-jokes/

Choice

                 Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2016

                 http://www.dictionary.com/browse/choice?
                 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choice
                 http://www.merriam-webster.com/choice
                https://www.betterhelp.com/online-therapy/


                          Jokes

Two Choices

            With the economy the way it is and John just getting laid off from his first job, he decided to go into service.  John went to the recruiting station.  He took some tests and was told by the recruiter he could go in either the Army or the Navy.  John asked the recruiters advice and was told.....

If you go in the Navy, you will be OK.  If you go in the Army, you have two choices.

You can go either into the infantry or the artillery.  If you go in the artillery you'll be OK but if you go in the infantry you have two choices.  You will either go to war or not go to war.

If you don't go to war, you'll be OK.  If you go to war, you have two choices.  You will either be in the front lines or the rear lines.  If your in the rear lines you'll be OK.  However, if your in the front lines, you have two choices.

You will either be shot or not shot.  If your not shot you'll be OK.  If your shot you'll have two choices.  Your either going to be injured or killed.

If your injured, you'll be OK.  If your killed you have two choices.  Your either going to heaven or hell.

If you go to heaven you'll be OK.  If you go to hell you have two choices.  You will either go to the paper factory or the glue factory.

If you go to the glue factory you'll be OK.  If you go to the paper factory, you have two choices.  You will either become newspaper or toilet paper.

If you become newspaper you'll be OK.  If you become toilet paper you have two choices.  Your either going to be put in the men's room or the ladies room.

If you go in the men's room you'll be OK.  If you go in the ladies room you have two choices.

Making Choices While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator(that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

... "Welcome to heaven," says St.. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.

In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where

St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven...”

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell...

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says,"Yesterday we were campaigning. Today, you voted.."

TWO PRISONERS, TWO CHOICES

    Two explorers are flying over the Amazon. The Plane crashes and the local tribe captures them and takes them prisoner. The King brings the first prisoner in front of the whole tribe. He then asks "What do you choose, death or Bondo?"

    The prisoner says, "I choose Bondo, I don't want to die."

    The crowd chants, "BONDO, BONDO UBEO UBEO Then a huge, well-endowed man comes out and screws him and the guy screams.

    Meanwhile the other guy sees this. Then the king calls for the second prisoner. He comes out and says, "I saw what happened. I choose death."

    The Kings says, "No one has chosen death before. He looks at the crowd and asks how the prisoner should die."

    They shout "DEATH BY BONDO!"

Courtesy of:
http://www.amazingjokes.com/jokes/2009-05-10_two-choices.html
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Love-Jokes-And-Riddles/1891753
http://jokes.cc.com/funny-sports/1z59dj/two-prisoners--two-choices




Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)