Arrested

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arrest

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/arrest

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2010/06/29/f-morton-faq-arrest-rights.html

http://www.torontopolice.on.ca/whenstopped

http://www.parl.gc.ca/About/Parliament/LegislativeSummaries/bills_ls.asp?Language=E&ls=c26&Parl=41&Ses=1&source=library_prb

http://www.irwinlaw.com/store/product/655/detention-and-arrest

JOkes

Too much speeding

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say"

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

I just needed to use your car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from though out the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

A staged wedding to bust dealers

As supposedly reported on CNN:

Undercover police, staging the wedding of "a drug kingpin's daughter", let it be known on the street that dealers were "invited" (i. e. Expected to attend).

The bride and groom were police, as was the band, bartender, and about half the guests. The band playing at the wedding was "S. P. O. C." (COPS, backwards), and the wedding went through the full ceremony, including the dancing afterward.

The long-sought dealers were arrested after the "band" took their break. The last song the band played before taking its break? "I Fought The Law, And The Law Won"

Huge criminal record

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.February 10, 1993Dennis Payne, 30, was arrested as a pickpocket at a Jersey City, N.J., train station, his 135th arrest in New Jersey and New York City since 1978. Police said it took a computer more than a half-hour to print out Payne's arrest record.

You are under arrest!

A scientist was successful in cloning himself, and was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.
"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone jumped up and shouted, "he's a *&^^%*@)&!".
Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists,". Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "this dumb *%@(&+*! couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent *$3%$#*#+=!".
Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.
The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and the events that had transpired were explained to them. The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you."
The scientist replied, "For what? You can't arrest me for killing a clone!". The attending scientists nodded in agreement.
"Well!" retorted the police chief.
He thought for a moment and ordered the scientist held for...
"Making an obscene clone fall..."

FBI, CIA and LAPD hunting rabbits

For years now the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD have all been arguing about their incredible arrest records and solved cases. Each claiming to be better than the others. Finally, the president hears about this nonsense argument and takes the top officers of each branch out to the woods. There, the president releases a rabbit. He tells the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD that that is their suspect, and the first to arrest it is the victor.
So the FBI goes out into the forest and plants a bunch of animal informants all over the woods trying to locate this rabbit. After weeks of investigations and tips from forest critters, the FBI can't turn up anything on this alleged rabbit.
With that the CIA goes out into the forest to look for the rabbit. Unable to locate the suspect the CIA claims that there never was a rabbit in the first place and burns down the forest to cover it up.
Finally, the LAPD goes off into the smoldering woods and comes out less than five minutes later with a badly beaten bear screaming, " OK, OK! I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!!!"

Courtesy of:http://www.ahajokes.com/mar035.html

http://www.jokebuddha.com/Arrest

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Please remember ...it is in all good fun:)

Blind

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind

http://www.balancefba.org/about/evolution.html

http://www.cnib.ca/en

http://www.blindsailing.ca

http://www.guidedogs.ca

Jokes

 A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi sits down next to him.

   The rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind
   man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man.

Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the rabbi on the
shoulder, and asks, "Who wrote this crap?"

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.


Why are bats blind?
Well, you wouldn't see too good if you hung upside-down all day, would you?


 A blind man walks into a shop with his guide dog. He puts the lead on the dog and starts swinging it round through the air by it. The shop assistant is horrified by this cruelty and runs to fetch the manager.

The manager rushes up to the blind man saying: "What the hell are you doing? Put that dog down immediately." The blind man replied, "I'm only having a look around."


For all Stevie Wonder fans.....


Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?

 A: Neither has he! 

Q: How did Stevie Wonder meet his wife?   

 A: Blind date. 

Q: Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife? 

A: Neither has he

How do you break Steve Wonder's neck? 

A: Speed up the music. 

Q: What goes ring-ring, ring-ring, ring, Ahhhhhhh! 

A: Stevie Wonder answering the iron 

Q: What did Stevie Wonder's mother do for punishment? 

A: Rearrange the furniture. 

Q: Why does Stevie Wonder shake his head when he sings?

 A: Because he can't find the microphone. Q: What do you call Stevie Wonder playing tennis? A: Endless love

 Q: What's the fastest thing on land?

 A: Stevie Wonder's speedboat 

Q: Why does Stevie Wonder always smile? 

A: No one's told him he's black yet. 

Q: Why hasn't Stevie Wonder written a hit in years? 

A: He dropped his pencil! 

Q: What have Patrick Swayze and Stevie Wonder got in common?

 A: Neither of them will see Christmas!

 Stevie Wonder walks into a shop swinging a dog above his head. The shop owner says "Can I help you?" Stevie Wonder say "No I'm just having a look around" At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer. Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything. "When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim." Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a round. When Tiger agrees, Stevie asks, "How about if we play for $10,000 a hole?" Tiger insists he couldn't possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap. But Stevie argues and badgers Tiger until Tiger finally relents Stevie says, "You pick the place and I'll pick the time?" Tiger says, "Fine. Pebble Beach" Stevie replies, "Midnight!" 

Courtesy of: http://www.bestmidi.com/jokes/short.php andhttp://www.jokes4us.com

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)