Wrong

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wrong
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/wrong
http://thesaurus.com/browse/wrong

JOkes
Plain Wrong Jokes

I'm really worried about my Parrot. He keeps saying, "I can't go on, I hate my life". My roommate's too selfish to notice. He's always crying. Jeff, St Kilda I was having sex with a heavily pregnant woman last night when she shouted, "the babies coming!" "The kinky little bastard," I replied. Mark, Surrey Hills Jokes that are just plain ...wrong.

A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."
She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."
They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.
She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."
He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."
The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead." 

On his death bed John O'Malley a stalwart protestant all his life called for his beloved wife Margret. "Maggie, I need ya to do me one last thing before I go off to see me maker..." "Anything John, what is it?" "You have to get a priest front he catholic church and have him convert me." "But John, you've been a protestant all your life. You hate the catholics why on earth would you want your last act in this world to be that?" "I'd rather see one of them die than one of ours!"
John gets a call from his blond girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy. "What's the matter?" asks John. "Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" asks John. "It's of a big rooster," replies Buffy. "All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look." So he goes over to Buffy's house. Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake - put the corn flakes back in the box."

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?" 











Courtesy of:http://www.bbmlive.com/jokes/plain-wrong-jokes.html
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/archive/index.php/t-47809.html
Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Please remember ...it is in all good fun:)

Blind

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind

http://www.balancefba.org/about/evolution.html

http://www.cnib.ca/en

http://www.blindsailing.ca

http://www.guidedogs.ca

Jokes

 A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi sits down next to him.

   The rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind
   man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man.

Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the rabbi on the
shoulder, and asks, "Who wrote this crap?"

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.


Why are bats blind?
Well, you wouldn't see too good if you hung upside-down all day, would you?


 A blind man walks into a shop with his guide dog. He puts the lead on the dog and starts swinging it round through the air by it. The shop assistant is horrified by this cruelty and runs to fetch the manager.

The manager rushes up to the blind man saying: "What the hell are you doing? Put that dog down immediately." The blind man replied, "I'm only having a look around."


For all Stevie Wonder fans.....


Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?

 A: Neither has he! 

Q: How did Stevie Wonder meet his wife?   

 A: Blind date. 

Q: Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife? 

A: Neither has he

How do you break Steve Wonder's neck? 

A: Speed up the music. 

Q: What goes ring-ring, ring-ring, ring, Ahhhhhhh! 

A: Stevie Wonder answering the iron 

Q: What did Stevie Wonder's mother do for punishment? 

A: Rearrange the furniture. 

Q: Why does Stevie Wonder shake his head when he sings?

 A: Because he can't find the microphone. Q: What do you call Stevie Wonder playing tennis? A: Endless love

 Q: What's the fastest thing on land?

 A: Stevie Wonder's speedboat 

Q: Why does Stevie Wonder always smile? 

A: No one's told him he's black yet. 

Q: Why hasn't Stevie Wonder written a hit in years? 

A: He dropped his pencil! 

Q: What have Patrick Swayze and Stevie Wonder got in common?

 A: Neither of them will see Christmas!

 Stevie Wonder walks into a shop swinging a dog above his head. The shop owner says "Can I help you?" Stevie Wonder say "No I'm just having a look around" At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer. Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything. "When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim." Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a round. When Tiger agrees, Stevie asks, "How about if we play for $10,000 a hole?" Tiger insists he couldn't possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap. But Stevie argues and badgers Tiger until Tiger finally relents Stevie says, "You pick the place and I'll pick the time?" Tiger says, "Fine. Pebble Beach" Stevie replies, "Midnight!" 

Courtesy of: http://www.bestmidi.com/jokes/short.php andhttp://www.jokes4us.com

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Swallow

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swallowing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swallow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VryQDsx5Ad8
JOkes
Doctor! I swallowed a pillow!
Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth.

Swallowed Whole
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him!

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade.
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy,a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.




Courtesy of:http://www.ahajokes.com,http//www.ebaumsworld.com,and http://geaky.com
 Thanks... to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)