Imaginary

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_number
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/imaginary

JOkes

We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.


"During a simulated attack, the troops have to defended..."
During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. "You there," the sergeant shouts, "the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!" The recruit takes two steps to one side.


"What are you doing, man?" Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. "I`m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant," answers the recruit calmly.

Geography ClassTeacher: What is the axis of the earth?
Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.


"51 ways to make your parents think your insane" joke
Follow them everywhere.


Moo when they say your name.


Pretend to have amnesia.


Say everything backwards.


Give yourself a swirly.


Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "The sun!!! It's dying!!!"


Run into walls.


Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house in your underwear (or naked for that matter).


Have nervous breakdowns at spontaneous times.


Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.


Pretend to worship the devil.


Stand over them at 4 in the morning with a HUGE grin on your face and yell, "Good morning sunshine!!!"


Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.


Run in circles.


Recite a whole movie 3 times.


Pretend to beat yourself up.


Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA!!!"


Slither everywhere.


Wear a sticker that says, "i'm a retard!!!"


Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a fashion statement.


Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way.


Super glue your finger up your nose.


Talk to a pen. for that matter name it and call it your pet


Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to ALL the time.


Lay face down and chant like an indian tribe.


Try and climb the wall.


Spread out on the window and buzz, pretending to be a fly.


Take your ice cream cone and put it one your forehead... say you're a lovely unicorn.


In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!!"


Make weird animals noises at night, and when them come to see whats wrong, pretend like you're asleep and nothing out of the ordinary happened.


Do what they tell you to do.


Switch the light button on and off for a while. Then say, "Ooooh... I get it!!!"


Eat your hair.


Tell them whatever they're eating looks like a certain animal.


Eat anything obviously not edible.


Jump off the roof, trying to fly.


Say your pet is mocking you and chase it around the house.


Hold their hand and whisper to them, "i see dead people... "


When you shower or bathe yell, "i'm drowning!!!"


Try to snorkel in your fish tank.


Ask them quietly, "Pardon me but do you have any... " then yell, "SHOELACES!!!"


Chase an imaginary tail.


Demand your own area code.


At everything they say yell, "Liar!!!"


Pretend to be 326 years old.


Hang upside down in your closet.


Pretend to be a phone.


Try to swim in the floor.


Tap on their door all night.


Pretend to have multiple personalities.


Be yourself.

1.4 MATHEMATICS POETRY

Consider the pitiful plight

Of a runner who wasn't too bright
But he sprinted so fast,
That he vanished at last
By red-shifting himself out of sight.



 

 

Courtesy of: http://www.jokebuddha.comandhttp://jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijokes/1_4.html#subindex
Thanks ...to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Motivation

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

Please tell me ..were can one find the energy?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motivation
http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_pink_on_motivation.html
http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/motivation
http://www.motivation-tools.com/elements/seven_rules.htm
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/21-proven-motivation-tactics/
http://www.motivation123.com/
http://humor.about.com/od/jokesarchivesa/a/motivational_qu.htm

JOkes

Two Frogs in a Pit – Amazing Moral Story!

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead.

The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that there’s no way to survive. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.


The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die.


He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs were in shock and said, “Did you not hear us?!”


The frog explained to them that he is partially deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.
This story teaches us two lessons:


1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.


2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them.


Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path. The power of words, it is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time to encourage another.


Believe in Yourself – Very Motivational Story
A business executive was deep in debt and could see no way out. Creditors were closing in on him. Suppliers were demanding payment. He sat on the park thinking if anything could save his Company from bankruptcy. Suddenly an old man appeared before him. “I can see that something is troubling you”, he said. After listening to the executive’s woes, the old man said, “I believe I can help you”. He asked the man his name, wrote out a cheque, and pushed it into his hand saying, “Take this money.


Meet me here exactly one year from today, and you can pay me back at that time”. Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he had come. The business executive saw in his hand a cheque for $500,000, signed by John D.Rockefeller, one of the richest men in the world. “I can erase my money worries in an instant”, he thought.


Nevertheless, the executive decided to put the cheque in his safe first. He thought, just knowing it was there, would give him the strength to work out a way to save his business. With renewed optimism, he negotiated better deals and got extended terms of payment from c lose some big sales. Within a few months, he was out of debt and making money once again.


Exactly a year later, he returned to the park with that uncashed cheque. The old man did not appear for some time yet the business executive decided to wait for a while more. A while later the old man came along but seemed unmindful of the business executive. He stopped the old man and was about to hand over the cheque with a few words of thanks as well as share his success story. At the same time, he saw a nurse come running up and grabbing the old man. “I’m so glad I caught him”, she cried. “I hope he hasn’t been bothering you. He’s always escaping from the rest home and telling he is Rockefeller.” And she led the old man away by the arm.
The astonished executive just stood there, stunned. All year long he’d been wheeling and dealing, buying and selling, convinced he had half a million dollars behind him. Suddenly, he realized that it wasn’t the money, real or imagined, that had turned his life around. It was his new found self-confidence that gave him the power to achieve anything he went after. He understood that confidence is nothing but the distant vision held positively no matter what comes in between. It comes from one’s own commitment and dedication and is entirely internal.

The Mother of All Excuses Place
There are literally thousands of excuses to be found on these pages compiled by Madtbone Inc. Many are witty. Some are reasonable.


•"I have a friend who told our boss that he needed to leave work because his uncle was dying and he needed to beat his cousin to the power tools."


•"I'm sorry I was late for work, but when I was getting ready to brush my teeth, I squeezed to much toothpaste out of the tube and it took me a long time to get it all back in."


•"I won't be in today. ... My hair wont start."


Categories include excuses for Work, Kids, Doctors, Police, Church, Breaking Dates, Weddings, Diets, Taxes, Debt, Sex, Rent, School, and Jury Duty
http://humor.about.com/od/top10lists/p/motherallexcuse.htm
http://www.bestfakedoctornotes.com/

Courtesy of: http://www.funnyfunnyjokes.org/tag/motivation/,http://forum2.aimoo.com

Thanks... to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)