You

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You
http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/You
JOkes
ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLDPQQK8MJI

How are you feeling?Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer.

Farmer Brown responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"

Farmer Brown said, "Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Brown's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Brown thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side."

He continued, "I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans."

"Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me."

Finally, farmer Brown came to the end of the story. "The patrolman looked at me and said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are YOU feeling'?"


Lovely pick up lines.
Can I try a few pickCan I try a few pick up lines on you? [give some good ones and some lame ones] OK, I have just one more line for you:
You're so hot, your ass is on fire
Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my dick?
Hey baby... drop that zero and get with the hero in other words... you better come with me.
You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
So, you're a girl huh?
Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP!
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.


Courtesy of:http://www.ahajokes.com/farm025.html andhttp://linesthataregood.com/lame.html

Thanks...to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Imaginary

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_number
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/imaginary

JOkes

We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.


"During a simulated attack, the troops have to defended..."
During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. "You there," the sergeant shouts, "the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!" The recruit takes two steps to one side.


"What are you doing, man?" Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. "I`m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant," answers the recruit calmly.

Geography ClassTeacher: What is the axis of the earth?
Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.


"51 ways to make your parents think your insane" joke
Follow them everywhere.


Moo when they say your name.


Pretend to have amnesia.


Say everything backwards.


Give yourself a swirly.


Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "The sun!!! It's dying!!!"


Run into walls.


Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house in your underwear (or naked for that matter).


Have nervous breakdowns at spontaneous times.


Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.


Pretend to worship the devil.


Stand over them at 4 in the morning with a HUGE grin on your face and yell, "Good morning sunshine!!!"


Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.


Run in circles.


Recite a whole movie 3 times.


Pretend to beat yourself up.


Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA!!!"


Slither everywhere.


Wear a sticker that says, "i'm a retard!!!"


Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a fashion statement.


Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way.


Super glue your finger up your nose.


Talk to a pen. for that matter name it and call it your pet


Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to ALL the time.


Lay face down and chant like an indian tribe.


Try and climb the wall.


Spread out on the window and buzz, pretending to be a fly.


Take your ice cream cone and put it one your forehead... say you're a lovely unicorn.


In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!!"


Make weird animals noises at night, and when them come to see whats wrong, pretend like you're asleep and nothing out of the ordinary happened.


Do what they tell you to do.


Switch the light button on and off for a while. Then say, "Ooooh... I get it!!!"


Eat your hair.


Tell them whatever they're eating looks like a certain animal.


Eat anything obviously not edible.


Jump off the roof, trying to fly.


Say your pet is mocking you and chase it around the house.


Hold their hand and whisper to them, "i see dead people... "


When you shower or bathe yell, "i'm drowning!!!"


Try to snorkel in your fish tank.


Ask them quietly, "Pardon me but do you have any... " then yell, "SHOELACES!!!"


Chase an imaginary tail.


Demand your own area code.


At everything they say yell, "Liar!!!"


Pretend to be 326 years old.


Hang upside down in your closet.


Pretend to be a phone.


Try to swim in the floor.


Tap on their door all night.


Pretend to have multiple personalities.


Be yourself.

1.4 MATHEMATICS POETRY

Consider the pitiful plight

Of a runner who wasn't too bright
But he sprinted so fast,
That he vanished at last
By red-shifting himself out of sight.



 

 

Courtesy of: http://www.jokebuddha.comandhttp://jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijokes/1_4.html#subindex
Thanks ...to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)