Motion Sickness

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motion_sickness
http://chealth.canoe.ca/channel_condition_info_details.asp?disease_id=183&channel_id=40&relation_id=55627
http://www.medicinenet.com/motion_sickness/article.htm
http://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/neurological-conditions/how-to-deal-with-motion-sickness.htm
JOkes
Motion sickness

Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Santa says.
"Thought...?" Banta asks. "What do you mean?"
"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Santa says.
"Wasn't that love?" Banta asks.
"No, that was obsession," Santa explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."
"Wasn't that love?" asks Banta.
"No, that was lust," Santa replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Well, wasn't that love," asks Banta.
"No. That was motion sickness!" Santa replies.

Seasick
Mr. Johnson's wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young." He thought it over and agreed. 
He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. Upon returning home, his wife said "I've been thinking, there's no reason we can't go for a month."
Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant.
When he returned his wife said, "Since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the world?"
He went back and bought 200 bottles of seasick pills and more tubes of lubricant.
The pharmacist finally had to ask: "You know, Mr. Johnson, I don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you do it?"




Courtesty of :http://www.santabanta.com/jokes.asp?catid=6264 and http://www.jokes.com/
Thanks... to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Judgement

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judgement
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judgment_(law)
http://www.paulgraham.com/judgement.html
http:/http://judgementday2011.com/


A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there, he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven. Others though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss that soul off to one side into a small pile.

After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. He strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the others?"

"Oh those . . .," Satan groaned. "They're all from Michigan. They're still too cold and wet to burn."




9 THINGS GOD WON'T ASK on that judgment day...



1. God won't ask what kind of car you drove; He'll ask how many

people you drove who didn't have transportation.

2. God won't ask the square footage of your house, He'll ask how

many people you welcomed into your home.

3. God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, He'll

ask how many you helped to clothe.

4. God won't ask what your highest salary was; He'll ask if you

compromised your character to obtain it, and performed your job to the

best of your ability.

5. God won't ask how many friends you had; He'll ask how many

people to whom you were a friend.

6. God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, He'll ask how

you treated your neighbors.

7. God won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about

the content of your character.

8. God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation;

He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of

Hell.

9.God won't have to ask how many people you forwarded this to.

He already knows whether you will or not.


Courtesy of Funnycity.com