Body

Copyright  Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body

JOkes
The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook on it.
I've just plucked my eyebrows, I think they are out of tune.
I had my neck removed six years ago and I've never looked back since.


Allie A., age 10, Connecticut
Have you seen the movie “Constipated?”

No, it hasn’t come out yet!
A man wanted to prove to a group of alcoholics the effect of alcohol in human body system. He brought two jars; one containing water and the other containing alcohol, along with a very healthy worm. He said to the audience:

"This jar contain water"
He dropped the worm in the jar and said, "Please watch the reaction". The worm swam to the side of the jar and up it floats dangling and swimming.

The man took the worm out of the first jar and put it in the second jar containing alcohol and said to the audience " now watch the reaction" The worm went right down into the water and struggled for survival. There and then every body saw the worm shrinking and dis-integrating, and in one word, died.
 The man turned round an asked the audience " what would you all say to this".
 After a long silence, someone from the rear stood up and said,
" I can see that if I drink alcohol, there will be no more worn in my body".

Courtesy of:http://short-jokes-quotes.com,http://www.jokesbykids.com/health-and-body and
 http://www.ajokeaday.com
Thanks...to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Give me a break.

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Break
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heart
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bone
http://kidshealth.org/kid/htbw/bones.html
http://health.howstuffworks.com/human-body/systems/circulatory/heart.htm
http://www.heartandstroke.com/site/c.ikIQLcMWJtE/b.4466147/k.69A5/Select_Your_Province.htm

JOkes
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?"she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't
understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you". Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without."

If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room, messes up your
stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes
your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it
free in the first place . . . You married it.

If you were my boyfriend I'd put arsenic in your tea

And if I was your boyfriend I'd drink it!

A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "What in the world happened to you, buddy?"

The guy says, "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore." "Yeah?" asks the bartender. "What did she do?"
"She hit me with her bag of quarters!".

WOMAN WANTED

A tall, well-built woman with good
sense of humor, who can cook frog
legs and who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

But please only read lines 1,3 and 5.


A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a

fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost
everything expensive on the menu: appetizers, lobster,
champagne . . . the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your
Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid,
either."

Q: What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie?

A: You can't fool me, I can see right through you.

Q: Why are skeletons usually so calm ?

A: Nothing gets under their skin !

Q: What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish ?

A: It came back with a skeleton crew !

Broken Bones
A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor she's broken every
single bone in her body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor.
The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!" She then touches her leg with
her index finger and screams "Ouch!" Then she touches her arm and yells
"Eeeeoooow!" Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her
composure as the tears start to roll down her face. She says, "See, I told
you I broke every bone in my body."
The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination. "Well, miss,"
he tells her, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is,
you haven't broken every bone in your body. The bad news is, you've broken
your finger."

Thank you to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place.by putting a smile on someones face:)

Courtesy of www. gotabreakup.com, www.ebaumsworld.com
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