Wit

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wit

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wit_(play)

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/wit

J0kes

Sayings that should be on buttons

Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
Do I look like a freaking people person?
I started out with nothing and still have must of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
You! Off my planet!
I like cats, too. Let's exchanges recipes.
Suburbia: where they tear out trees and then name streets after them.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
Back off! You're standing in my aura.
Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

Answering Machine message:

Hi, you've reached 474-2340. Don, Kendy and Sylvia can't come to the phone
right now because they've been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by android
duplicates. You could leave your name and number at the tone, but I
wouldn't -- you might be next! (evil laugh)

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
...it was tied to a zebra crossing!
...the road led to a Catholic church!
...it was tired of fowling the sidewalk!
...it was stuck to my nearside tire!
...it was playing chicken with the traffic!




Courtesy of :http://www.msxnet.org/humour,http://www.majon.comandhttp://www.wilywalnut.com

Thanks... to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)