Media

                                 Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2021.   

       

                                            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Media      

                                      https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/media  

                                      https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/media

                                         Why listen to the media ?

                                         Not to mention, news, television, and radio.

                                         Fighting for every ounce of attention, to listen out of boredom.

                                         We thirst for information and sometimes can be an obsession.

                                         It is important to stay connected in the world.

                                        There are times the information may or may be true 

                                        We have choices as to what we hear and view

                                        Too be told or to choose to be vaccinated for not 

                                        Not be manipulated by false interchangeable political views.  

                                        We can choose to listen to the media to think for ourselves .                              

                               

                                                            Jokes    

             

                         What is Captain Hook's least favourite social media?

                         Tick tock.

                         I bought a book about social media

                         but I never reddit

                         I tried making an anti social media platform.

                        But it never went anywhere

 

                        What's the opposite of social media?

                        Social life

                                                                                                                                                       

          

      Ad on some billboard somewhere: 

"If you feel like the bottom's fallen out of your world, 

digest Brand X laxative.

 " It will make the world fall out of your bottom. "

Marketers favourite drink? Brand-y.

Having a breakfast sale, but I need a “hash” tag.

Funny how things are tagged NSFW

As if any of us still have jobs

 Update :stop bragging about being employed ,its lowering morale

 What do you call it when old people look through their Facebook timeline

The Elder Scrolls

   What is silly about Mark Zuckerberg buying Instagram for a billion dollars? 

He could've got it on the App Store absolutely free!

 Why should non-vaccinated children not have social media accounts?

  Because they can get viral!

 What did the doctor say when I asked for his help saying that I am addicted to social media ? 

He said, “I don’t follow you.”

Ditto...

 Courtesy of:

Google.com

UFS INC.

https://upjoke.com/social-media-joke

https://www.bizcommunity.com/Jokes.aspx

https://www.ignitesocialmedia.com/humor/social-media-puns-annoy-coworkers

jokojokes.com

https://kidadl.com

https://www.rd.com/list/bad-jokes-cant-help-laugh-at

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

                                          Visit:ArtDogStudio.ca   

Uncertain

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2020

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/uncertain

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/uncertain

https://www.lexico.com/definition/uncertain

Nothing brings more feeling of uncertainty than a pandemic.

It has been awhile I have published any of my cartoons.

The craziness of this lies only to reject on the growing anxiety and feeling .Where does life go from here ?

 I believe, hope is better than nothing. All of what happens in the moment remains in uncertain during CO-VID 19.

Thank God for a good joke.

Debts:  The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

                                                                                  Jokes

Knock Knock. Who is there ? Seriously, do not touch my door and get back six meters to social distance.

Why did the chicken cross the road? 

 Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly.

 I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent. 

Then it Dawned on me.

   I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger ,but then it hit me.

I used to think i am indecisive. But now i am not sure.

The future, the present ,and the past walk in to a bar . 

Things got a little tense.

People used to be a lot more optimistic in the past, but things have taken quite a turn haven't they. The economy's uncertain, salaries are shrinking, jobs are dissipating. Morale is generally quite low nowadays.

If the elevator were invented today, it would be called the plunger.

Kermit the Frog went to the bank to request a loan.

The teller, Patty Whack, asked him for references.

"Well, my dad's Mick Jagger," Kermit replied.

Uncertain, Patty then asked him if he had any collatoral.

"Here's something from my shelf", he answered, handing her a small decoration.

Now confused, Patty told him she had to speak with her manager.

"Mr Jones," she said, "I don't know what to do. Kermit the Frog is asking for money, he says his dad is Mick Jagger, and his only collateral is this thing. I don't even know what it is!"

The manager replies, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

What do you call an uncertain bee?

A maybe

Guaranteed way to get through the covid19 quarantine and barely notice or remember it.

Tune to any local tv station and take a shot every time a commercial says “uncertain times”.

An electron walked into a bar

Actually it might have been a club. I'm uncertain.

A man hears a knock at his door, and is surprised to see

a polar bear standing before him.

"Hi," says the white bear, "I'm the bear of good news. A distant relative of yours passed away a while ago, but it turns out he entrusted a large fortune to you in his will."

"Great," says the man. "Thanks for the good news."

Later, the man hears another knock at his door. He answers the door to find a panda before him.

"I'm the bear of uncertain news," says the panda.

"Alright..." acknowledges the man with a furrowed brow.

"As it turns out, your inherited fortune is entirely in the form of uninsured bonds. Depending on how the market turns out this month, you might not be able to receive any money at all. But, well, it could go either way."

"I see," says the man, closing the door.

The next day, there's another knock. The man opens the door to a large grizzly.

"Let me guess," says the man, "you're going to tell me about my inheritance bonds?"

The grizzly shrugs. "Well, I hate to be the bear of bad news."

Guaranteed way to get through the covid- 19 quarantine and barely notice or remember it.

Tune to any local tv station and take a shot every time a commercial says “uncertain times”.

Courtesy of:Just-One-Liners.com.webarchive

https://www.fatherly.com/play/best-coronavirus-jokes

https://parade.com/1040121/marynliles/one-liners

https://upjoke.com/uncertain-jokes

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Honesty

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2019

https://www.dictionary.com/honesty

/honestyhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honesty     

Jokes

Liars get caught by the tale.

Luebbert's Law

Futons are really uncomfortable, but I love them for their honesty.

They have F U right in the name.

Honesty

Wife : " ..but I always tell you the truth after I lie."

A man was praying to god for money and fame.

Another one comes and sneers at him, 'i always pray for honesty, modesty and other noble qualities in life'.

The man says 'very well mister, one always asks for the things they don't have!'

Seeds of Honesty

Once a general manager wanted to test his people who had come from all over India, about their values of life.

He announced that in their seminar folder, there is PVC pouch and in it there is a seed. When they return , they must put it in a good soil in a pot and look after it very well.

He would hold a competition in the next year's seminar and that the best plants would be awarded suitably.

Everyone did what was told to him. A year passed quickly. And next year in a big hall, there were hundreds of pots and a great variety of plants-a great scene. Except one pot in which the soil was there and no plant! The owner was standing quietly and seemingly ashamed of himself!

The general manager called him on the stage. He asked him what happened and he told him the truth. He planted the seed which he was given – and did that was to be done- but nothing happened!

The general manager declared him the winner!

Everyone was shocked. It was announced, "Gentlemen! The seeds I gave you were boiled seeds. You planted them and nothing happened! You acted smartly and used some other seeds."

This man was honest to his work and, therefore he did not cheat me or himself!"

How can you tell if a lawyer is lying ?

His lips are moving.

             

Boss: What’s your biggest weakness?
Me: Honesty.
Boss: I don’t consider that a weakness.
Me:  I don’t give a f*ck what you think.

    

Courtesy of:https://upjoke.com/honesty-jokes

https://www.just-one-liners.com/category/beliefs/honesty

http://www.5jokesaday.com/content/honesty-jokes

http://jokes4all.net/honesty-jokes

http://www.info.com/serp?q=Funny+Halarious+Jokes+on+honesty

funny honesty jokes

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Goverment

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2018

https://www.thefreedictionary.com/Goverment

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Government

http://www.yourdictionary.com/goverment

Jokes

Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

What's the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you're out if you're caught stealing.

I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Don't steal. That's the government's job.

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.

If you are not part of the solution, you're probably running for President

When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.

Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.

George W. Bush went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan. The doctor said: "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side." Bush interrupted, "Well, that’s normal, isn’t it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?" The doctor replied, "That’s true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn’t anything right, while on the right side there isn’t anything left."

What's the difference between government bonds and men?

Bonds mature.

Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.

It was then observed that 100 % of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

 A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

Politician got a bribe of five hundred thousand dollars. When he brought it home, his wife asked him: “Where did you get this money, honey?” He answered: “If somebody asks, that’s the money your grandma left us.”

Courtesy of:https://onelinefun.com/political/3/

https://unijokes.com/political-jokes/

http://jokes4all.net/government-jokes

https://humoropedia.com/funny-political-jokes/

Google Images

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Talk

       Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2018

   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk

                            http://www.dictionary.com/browse/talk
                            http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/talk
                            https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/talk
                            https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/talk

                       

                                              Jokes

           Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.
           I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

           Funny how we need to talk really means you need to listen.


A social worker asks a colleague: "What time is it?"
The other one answers: "Sorry, don't know, I have no watch."
The first one: "Never mind! The main thing is that we talked about it."



A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman looked puzzled. "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked.
"Because every time I talk to a woman with beautiful tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere"

Why don't dinosaurs talk?

Because they're dead.

When addressing a small crowd or low attendance) This must be a wealthy crowd. Each of you bought two or three seats!

Do you know the definition of an after dinner speaker? Someone who has been asked to say a few words and says too many.

As S.S. Biddle once said, "A political speech pleases all. Those who agree with it think it over, and those who don't are glad it is over."

If speaking while people are eating) Please go ahead and keep eating while I'm speaking. I'd rather be eating cake right now too rather than listening to some boring speech.

Courtesy of:https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2016/03/30-funny-short-jokes-that-are-guaranteed-to-make-you-smile/
http://jokes4all.net/talking-jokes
somuchpun.com
https://cheezburger.com/5156659200/sadly-their-humor-is-spineless
https://www.goodbadjokes.com/jokes/why-dont-dinosaurs-talk
http://canuwrite.com/speech_one_liners.php
https://www.simpli.com/web?qsrc=999&qo=semQuery&ad=semD&o=603690&l=sem&askid=1d7566b6-a48b-434a-bc02-322425b844f8-0-si_gsb&q=public%20speaking%20jokes%20humor&dqi=&am=broad&an=google_s


Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)