Sleep

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep
http://www.helpguide.org/life/sleeping.htm
http://www.canadiansleepsociety.com
http://www.journalsleep.org
http://www.stanford.edu/~dement/howto.html
Jokes

'Doctor, doctor, how can I cure myself of sleepwalking?' 'Put drawing-pins on the bedroom floor.' 'Doctor, doctor, I can't get to sleep at night.'  'Lie on the edge of the bed, then, and you'll soon drop off.' 'Doctor, doctor, I haven't slept for days.' 'Why not?' "Because I sleep at night!' A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, “Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.” “I know” said the man, “but I can`t. My wife refuses to sleep alone.” An accountant was having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem! I make a mistake and spend 3 hours trying to find it.” Sleeping on the job Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk 15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to." 13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper" 12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!" 11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!" 10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance" 9. "Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend. 8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress." 7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 6. "The coffee machine is broken...." 5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot." 4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!" 3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!" 2. "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands." AND THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK: "Amen"  Courtesy of:http://www.scatty.com/jokes/other/bedtime_jokes.html,http://www.sleepjunkie.com/sleep-jokes,andhttp://www.ahajokes.com/off39.html Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Snore

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snoring

http://www.helpguide.org/life/snoring.htm

http://www.medicinenet.com/snoring/article.htm

JOkes

Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you?"
He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."
The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning," he said.
They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched ME all night long."

Snoring problem

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the
wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman
to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring.


'Yeah right!' she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog
begins snoring, as usual.
The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself,
she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it

carefully around the dog's testicles.

Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed!
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out
drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and
begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work
on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue
ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it

also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the
bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the
mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very
confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red

ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.

He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers,

'I don't know where we were .... or what we did ... but, by God...

We took First and Second place!'

How to sleep with someone who snores!

By the time Chuck pulled into a little town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed - I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past.I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired travelers assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning Chuck came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed."How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"

"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said Chuck. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,"

Chuck explained."I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said,

"Goodnight, Beautiful,"

and he sat up all night watching me

Courtesy of ebaumsworld.com,miteshasher.blogspot.com,and www.superlaugh.com

Thanks ... to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)