Choice

                 Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2016

                 http://www.dictionary.com/browse/choice?
                 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choice
                 http://www.merriam-webster.com/choice
                https://www.betterhelp.com/online-therapy/


                          Jokes

Two Choices

            With the economy the way it is and John just getting laid off from his first job, he decided to go into service.  John went to the recruiting station.  He took some tests and was told by the recruiter he could go in either the Army or the Navy.  John asked the recruiters advice and was told.....

If you go in the Navy, you will be OK.  If you go in the Army, you have two choices.

You can go either into the infantry or the artillery.  If you go in the artillery you'll be OK but if you go in the infantry you have two choices.  You will either go to war or not go to war.

If you don't go to war, you'll be OK.  If you go to war, you have two choices.  You will either be in the front lines or the rear lines.  If your in the rear lines you'll be OK.  However, if your in the front lines, you have two choices.

You will either be shot or not shot.  If your not shot you'll be OK.  If your shot you'll have two choices.  Your either going to be injured or killed.

If your injured, you'll be OK.  If your killed you have two choices.  Your either going to heaven or hell.

If you go to heaven you'll be OK.  If you go to hell you have two choices.  You will either go to the paper factory or the glue factory.

If you go to the glue factory you'll be OK.  If you go to the paper factory, you have two choices.  You will either become newspaper or toilet paper.

If you become newspaper you'll be OK.  If you become toilet paper you have two choices.  Your either going to be put in the men's room or the ladies room.

If you go in the men's room you'll be OK.  If you go in the ladies room you have two choices.

Making Choices While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator(that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

... "Welcome to heaven," says St.. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.

In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where

St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven...”

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell...

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says,"Yesterday we were campaigning. Today, you voted.."

TWO PRISONERS, TWO CHOICES

    Two explorers are flying over the Amazon. The Plane crashes and the local tribe captures them and takes them prisoner. The King brings the first prisoner in front of the whole tribe. He then asks "What do you choose, death or Bondo?"

    The prisoner says, "I choose Bondo, I don't want to die."

    The crowd chants, "BONDO, BONDO UBEO UBEO Then a huge, well-endowed man comes out and screws him and the guy screams.

    Meanwhile the other guy sees this. Then the king calls for the second prisoner. He comes out and says, "I saw what happened. I choose death."

    The Kings says, "No one has chosen death before. He looks at the crowd and asks how the prisoner should die."

    They shout "DEATH BY BONDO!"

Courtesy of:
http://www.amazingjokes.com/jokes/2009-05-10_two-choices.html
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Love-Jokes-And-Riddles/1891753
http://jokes.cc.com/funny-sports/1z59dj/two-prisoners--two-choices




Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Boomerang

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 

  http://www.dictionary.com/browse/boomerang
  http://www.thefreedictionary.com/boomerang
  https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/boomeran
  http://about-boomerangs.com/the-cultural-importance-of-boomerangs
  http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=boomerang
  http://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/boomerang
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boomerang
             

                                                        Jokes

  Have you found yourself a boomerang yet?
   Heard they are making a great comeback.

  I bought a new boomerang. 
   But i could not throw away my old one.

Courtesy of:
https://www.wattpad.com/91244188-jokes-comebacks-pick-up-lines-boomerang-joke
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1v6o8k/i_bought_a_new_boomerang
http://www.kappit.com/tag/boomerang-jokes





anks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Can I Speak ?

'

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2016

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/speak?

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/speak

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/speak

Speak Jokes

A  little boy was kneeling beside his bed with his mother and grandmother and softly saying his prayers, "Dear God, please bless Mummy and Daddy and all the family and please give me a good night's sleep." 
       
      Suddenly he looked up and shouted, "And don't forget to give me a bicycle for my birthday!!" 
       
      "There is no need to shout like that," said his mother. "God isn't deaf." 
       
      "No," said the little boy, "but Grandma is."

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. Everything quickly turned to chaos when a woman carrying a child started walking towards the front. 

Everybody was surprised, shocked, and the bride even fainted. The pastor asked the woman if she had anything to say. 

The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back."

Courtesy of:

                              http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Prayer/Speak_Up.shtml          
                              http://www.ajokeaday.com/joke/marriage-jokes/what-d1gmarggbg

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Equality

    

                                            Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2016

                                                             equality
                            http://www.dictionary.com/browse/equality
                         http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/equality
         http://www.ed.ac.uk/equality-diversity/about/equality-diversity
                       http://www.equalitynow.org

                                                                       Jokes

What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?

Visit the closest mental hospital.

What do you call a woman with PMS and ESP?

A bitch who really does know everything.

Why did God make Adam before Eve? 

Everyone needs a rough draft before they make the final copy.

If someone is spitting behind you, it means you're in front.

What is the thinnest book in the world? "What Men Know About Women"

A WOMAN in our drafting unit was promoted to supervisor, and some older male workers were having difficulty accepting her authority. While she instructed one such subordinate, he interrupted, "Young lady, I'm old enough to be your father." "And," she replied, "I'm old enough to be your supervisor!"

MY JOB as a stockbroker requires that I call strangers on the telephone. One morning I dialed a pediatrician's office and, when a woman answered, I asked to speak to Dr. Brown. "I am the doctor," she said icily, and then proceeded to lecture me on outdated attitudes toward female professionals. Nevertheless, she let me give my sales presentation and then commented "That sounds interesting. Tell the broker I'd like to set up an appointment with him." There was silence, followed by laughter when I told her, "I am the broker."


  MODERN-DAY men try hard not to be chauvinistic -- like the judge during a recent jury selection.  Feelings were tense as my husband and the other prospective jurors filed into court. Finally the judge turned and addressed the first person, a pleasant-looking woman, and asked, "Is it Miss, Mrs. or Ms.?"  The woman broke the tension when she replied confidently, "It's Doctor."


A FRIEND of mine, with excellent credentials, applied for a high-level position with a leading firm. At the interview, however, after admitting that her resume was outstanding and her qualifications were exceptional, the firm's president turned her down, saying, "I prefer men." "So do I," she answered. "But what's your excuse?"

GENDER EQUALITY...well never be the same until when ladies write their names on walls with their urine

“Once The Game Is Over, The King And The Pawn Go Back In The Same Box” 
― Italian proverb

                                                      Courtesy of:

http://thoughtcatalog.com/melanie-berliet/2015/08/30-hilarious-female-empowering-jokes-that-will-make-you-happy-to-be-a-woman/

http://onelinefun.com/162/
http://www.becquet.ca/laughter/61.htm
http://www.taporibaba.com/2016/04/gender-equality-jokes.html
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/gender-equality






Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)