Unproductive

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2013

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Productive_and_unproductive_labour

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/unproductive

http://thesaurus.com/browse/unproductive

http://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/unproductive

https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/unproductive

http://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/unproductive

http://www.wordreference.com/thesaurus/unproductive

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/unproductive

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204770404577082532864410386.html

"Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" joke

It has come to my attention recently that many people have been turning
in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive
Time" (code 5300). To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem.
What is a problem is not knowing exactly what people are doing during
their unproductive time.
I've attached a sheet specifying a tentative extended job list based on
my observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify
with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive
time. Please distribute this as necessary, and let me know about any
difficulties.
For your timesheets:
Job number Explanation
---
5300 Meeting
5300-100 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5300-200 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5310 Breaks
5310-100 Waiting for Break
5310-110 Buying Snack
5310-120 Eating Snack
5310-200 Waiting for Lunch
5310-210 Ordering Out
5310-220 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
5310-230 Taking it Easy While Digesting Food
5310-300 Waiting for End of Day
5310-400 Personal Evacuation
5310-410 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
5310-500 Company Drug Policy
5310-510 Recreational Drug Use
5320 Employee Relations
5320-100 Gossip
5320-110 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5320-120 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker
is not Present
5320-200 Imcompetence
5320-210 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5320-220 Covering for Incompetence of Manager
5320-300 Dealing with Fellow Workers
5320-310 Pretending You Like Coworker
5320-320 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They
are Jerks
5320-330 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
5320-400 Hazing of Employees
5320-410 Playing Pranks on the New Employee
5320-420 Playing Pranks on a Regular Employee
5320-430 Playing Pranks on an Incompetent Employee
5320-440 Playing Pranks on a Competent Employee
5320-450 Playing Pranks on the Intern/Temp
5320-460 Taking Credit for Playing Pranks on any Employee
5320-500 Sexual Harassment in the Workplace
5320-510 Making Passes at Coworker
5320-520 Sexually Harassing Coworker
5320-530 Sexual Intercourse
5320-540 Flirting
5330 Employee Training
5330-100 Concepts and Procedures
5330-110 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is not
Interested in Learning
5330-120 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5330-130 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5340 Procurement
5340-100 Company Goods
5340-110 Stealing Company Goods
5340-120 Making Excuses after Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
5340-130 Grocery Shopping (Coffee, Tea, M&M's...)
5340-200 Company Resources
5340-210 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
5340-220 Running your own Business on Company Time
5340-230 Working on a second job during Company Time
5350 Timesheet Activities
5350-100 Filling Out Timesheet
5350-200 Timesheet Entries
5350-210 Inventing Timesheet Entries
5350-220 Organizing Timesheet Entries
5360 Telephone Activities
5360-100 Long-Distance Calls
5360-110 Personal Calls
5360-200 Speaking to a professional
5360-210 Divorce Lawyer
5360-220 Plumber
5360-230 Dentist
5360-240 Doctor
5360-300 Speaking to a contractor
5360-310 Fence (In Order to Sell Stolen Company Goods)
5360-320 Masseuse
5360-330 House Painter
5360-340 Personal Therapist
5360-350 Mistress
5360-400 Sales Calls
5360-410 Someone who wants to be your broker
5360-420 Hardware vendors who think you make decisions
5360-430 Software vendors who think the company will spend money to
make your job easier
5360-440 Systems vendors who want to automate your job
5370 Complaints
5370-100 Bitching about:
5370-110 Lousy Job
5370-120 Low Pay
5370-130 Long Hours
5370-140 Coworker
5370-150 Boss
5370-160 Personal Problems

To All EmployeesTo All Employees: It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timecards that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). Note that unproductive time isn't a problem.What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter. Thank you, Accounting. Attached: Extended Job Code ListCode Number Explanation--- 5316 Useless Meeting 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting 5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting 5319 Waiting for Break 5320 Waiting for Lunch 5321 Waiting for End of Day 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker 5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present 5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend 5394 Blaming Incompetence of Coworker Who is Not a Friend 5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning 5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid 5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You 5481 Buying Snack 5482 Eating Snack 5500 Filling Out Timecard 5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries 5502 Waiting for Something to Happen 5503 Scratching Yourself 5504 Sleeping 5510 Feeling Bored 5600 Complaining About Lousy Job 5601 Complaining About Low Pay 5602 Complaining About Long Hours 5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323) 5604 Complaining About Boss 5605 Complaining About Personal Problems 5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining 5701 Not Actually Present At Job 5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu 6102 Ordering Out 6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive 6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food 6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit 6201 Stealing Company Goods 6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods 6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls 6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods 6205 Hiding from Boss 6206 Gossip 6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.) 6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself 6211 Updating Resume 6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter 6213 Out of Office on Interview 6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching 6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job 6223 Pretending You Like Coworker 6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks 6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing 6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl 6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603) 6602 Complaining 6603 Writing a Book on Company Time 6611 Staring Into Space 6612 Staring At Computer Screen 6615 Transcendental Meditation 7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes) 7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone 7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone 7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone 7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone 7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone 7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone 7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone 7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone 7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity 8000 Recreational Drug Use 8001 Non-recreational Drug Use 8002 Liquid Lunch 8100 Reading e-mail 8101 Distributing humorous e-mails

Memo From Accounting Department

It has come to our attention recently that many of you
have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts
of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However,
we need to know exactly what you are doing during your
unproductive time.
Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended
job code list based on our observations of employee activities.
The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of
precision what you are doing during your unproductive time.
Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let
us know about any difficulties you encounter.
Thank you,
Accounting
Attached: Extended Job-Code List
...
Code Description
***
5316 - Useless Meeting
5317 - Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 - Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319 - Waiting for Break
5320 - Waiting for Lunch
5321 - Waiting for End of Day
5322 - Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323 - Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While
Coworker is Not Present
5393 - Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not
Interested in Learning
5401 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481 - Buying Snack
5482 - Eating Snack
5500 - Filling Out Timesheet
5501 - Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502 - Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 - Scratching Yourself
5504 - Sleeping
5510 - Feeling Bored
5511 - Feeling Horny
5600 - Complaining About Lousy Job
5601 - Complaining About Low Pay
5602 - Complaining About Long Hours
5603 - Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
5604 - Complaining About Boss
5605 - Complaining About Personal Problems
5640 - Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701 - Not Actually Present At Job
5702 - Suffering from Eight-Hour Flu
6102 - Ordering Out
6103 - Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104 - Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200 - Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 - Stealing Company Goods
6202 - Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company
Goods
6203 - Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204 - Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205 - Hiding from Boss
6206 - Gossip
6207 - Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210 - Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6211 - Updating Resume
6212 - Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213 - Out of Office on Interview
6221 - Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222 - Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223 - Pretending You Like Coworker
6224 - Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality
They Are Jerks
6238 - Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350 - Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601 - Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
6602 - Complaining
6603 - Writing a Book on Company Time
6611 - Staring Into Space
6612 - Staring At Computer Screen
6615 - Transcendental Meditation
6969 - Beating off in Broom Closet
7281 - Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400 - Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401 - Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402 - Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403 - Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404 - Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405 - Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406 - Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 - Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425 - Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
7931 - Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000 - Recreational Drug Use
8001 - No

Late for Work

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
Cure for StressAn office manager arrives at his department and sees an employee sitting behind his desk, totally stressed out. 

He gives him the advice: "I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had myself pampered by my wife. It was fantastic, and it really helped; you should try it too!".

Two weeks later, when the manager arrives at his department, he sees the man happy and full of energy at his desk. The faxes are piling up, and the computer is running at full speed. "I see you followed my advice".

"I did", answers the employee. "It was great! By the way I didn't know you had such a nice house!".

Very BusyA young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come in to the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" 

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

Courtesy of: http://www.jokebuddha.com/joke/Miscellaneous_Unproductive_Time#ixzz2WhhMNHNC
cesforattorneys.com/index.php?m=05&y=07&entry=entry070523-205435

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Please remember ...it is in all good fun:)

Work

 

Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Work_(physics)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Work

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/work

Jokes

You're in big trouble

I JUST KNEW I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE AT WORK WHEN...

...the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.

...the Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area.

...my assistant began responding to my memos with, "Yeah, whatever."

...I got a "It's for you loser" wav receiving e-mail, & not a chime.

...my new Pentium was replaced with an 386sx-16 last weekend.

...the Human Resources Dept requested an update of my arrest record.

...the Boss asked if I still had a copy of my 5 year contract.

...I noticed co-workers measuring my office when I arrived at work.

...my parking spot was relocated next to the dumpster.

...my secretary sez things like "Get the phone, my nails aren't dry."

...three people began helping me write a "desk manual" for my job.

...the LAN suddenly began backing-up my computer every 10 minutes.

...a large paper recycling box was placed next to my file cabinets.

...the receptionist began saying "Who ???" to anyone calling on me. 

Thoughts from work

Thoughts and stories from on the job

My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for ?" I told him, "Nope ! I do this for free."

This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too".

Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work ?" I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions ?" She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from ?"

People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah ??? Whens the last time ya ever heard of anyone who "rested to death".

Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never anybody around to appreciate it.

Our Office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have computers which spoke as well as listened; Hell, some of them even got ulcers.

Did ya ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough time to do all their work are the same ones who always stop & tell everyone that they don't have enuff time to do all their work.

Useful work phrases

USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me

You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject. 

Unique job interviews

Job Interview Quotations

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.

Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.

Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office.

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.

Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

Candidate brought large dog to interview.

Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.

Candidate dozed off during interview.

The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates.

"What is it that you people do at this company?"

"What is the company motto?"

"Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

"Why do you want references?"

"Do I have to dress for the next interview?"

"I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"

"Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"

"Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"

"Does your health insurance cover pets?"

"Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

"Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"

"Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"

"Why am I here?"

Also included are a number of unusual statement made by candidates during the interview process.

I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement.

At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking.

I feel uneasy indoors.

Sometimes I feel like smashing things.

Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars.

I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington.

I get excited very easily.

I am fascinated by fire.

I like tall women.

People are always watching me.

If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back.

I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker.

I never get hungry.

I know who is responsible for most of my troubles

If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival.

I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.

I think I'm going to throw-up. 

Corporate lingo list

Here’s a little clarification of corporate lingo.

COMPETITIVE SALARY:

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:

We have no time to train you+-

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:

We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:

You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:

We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED:

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:

If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:

We’ve filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:

You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:

You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.

I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I’ve used Microsoft Office.

I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:

I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:

I blame others for my mistakes.

I’M PERSONABLE:

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co- workers.

I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:

I carry a Day-Timer.

I AM ADAPTABLE:

I’ve changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO:

I’m never at my desk. 

Workplace insanity

HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."

Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.

Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso. 

A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

The classified ad said, "Wanted: CEO needs a one armed consultant, with a social sciences degree and five years of experience."

The man who won the job asked, "I understand most of the qualifications you required, but why 'one armed'?"

The CEO answered, "I have had many consultants, and I am tired of hearing with each advice the phrase's the other hand'."

A man had a Siamese cat that howled all night, every night. The sleepless man concluded that the cat has too much testosterone and took him to the vet to be castrated. To the great surprise of the man and all his neighbors, the cat continued howling.
"Why are you doing it now?" they asked the cat.
"Now I am a consultant."

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

A psychologist returned from a conference in Aspen lodge, where all the psychologists were permitted to ski for free. Her husband asked her, "How it went?". She replied, "Fine, but I've never seen so many Freudians slips."

A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.

"I know," the employer said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained."

"Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake," the worker answered, "but when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."

Four-word story of employment: Hired, tired, mired, fired.

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own.

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contracts sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!" There, on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

A union negotiator broke the silence in the room. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum company."

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do you like that, I work for the 3M Company."

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air, I work for 7-UP."

Courtesy of:http://www.ahajokes.com/off16.html

http://www.workjoke.com/psychologists-and-psychiatrists-jokes.html

Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)

Please remember ...it is in all good fun:)