Copyright Lucy Drumonde 2012
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blank
http://www.this-page-intentionally-left-blank.org
JOkes
blank v/s blank
Who would win in a fight... (Please think violently)
A Smurf or an Umpalumpa?
Bill Clinton or George W. Bush?
The Power Rangers or the Ninja Turtles?
The Kansas City Royals or the Houston Texans?
Dick Cheney or The whole Disney cartoon cast?
Sammy Sosa or Jose Canseco?
Spongebob or Patrick?
The Cast of C.S.I. Miami or the cast of C.S.I. New York?
Bart Simpson or Mick Jaggar?
Green day or the Beatles?
Gandhi or Rambo?
A delivery boy from Dominoes or Emril?
Your mom or your dad?
You and the Marines or your siblings and the army?
Starsky or Hutch?
Freddy or Jason?
A hobo with a pen or a hobo with two pencils?
A telemarketer or a door to door salesman?
The winner of Jeapordy or the winner of The Price is Right?
Adam Sandler or Mel Gibson?
A martain or Mike Tyson?
http://www.toddstrong.com/comedywriting/exaggeration.php
"Blank" walks into a bar jokes.
A duck walks into a bar, he says to the barman "got any bread?"barman says "nah this is a pub we don't sell bread", the duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next any "got any bread?" bar says"No I told you yesterday this is a pub we don't do bread"
Anyway this goes on for a week. On the last day the duck asks again"got any bread?" again the barman says"no this is a pub we don't do bread." As the duck is leaving the barman shouts after him"you come in asking for bread once more I'm gonna nail your beak tto the bar!"
The next day the duck walks into the bar again. "we got any nails mate?" he asks the barman.
The barman replies "no" looking confused.
The duck says "good, have you got any bread then?"
As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars." She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch?"
"Behold, I Come Quickly"
The new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous, and about ten minutes into the sermon his mind went blank. After a brief second of complete panic, he remembered what they had taught him in seminary about situations like this: repeat the last point. His teacher assured him this would help him remember what was supposed to come next. So he gave it a try."Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank. He tried again. "Behold, I come quickly." Still nothing.He tried one more time - speaking and gesturing with such force that he fell forward, knocking the pulpit to one side, tripping over the flower pot, and falling into the lap of a little old lady in the front row.The young preacher apologized profusely. "That's all right, young man," said the little old lady. "It was my fault. I should have gotten out of the way. You told me three times you were coming!"
A few minutes into the new preacher's first sermon, his mind went totally blank. Suddenly, he remembered some advice he received when a similar situation arose while he was in seminary school - repeat your last point. Doing this will often help you remember what comes next. So, he gave it a try.
"Behold, I come quickly," he said, but his mind was still blank. So he tried again, "Behold, I come quickly!" Still nothing.
He tried once more, this time with such vehemence that he tripped over the wire of his mircrophone and fell off the stage, right into the lap of a frail old woman seated in the front row.
Embarrassed, the nervous preacher attempted to apologize, but the old lady replied, "That's quite all right, young man. It was my fault. I should have gotten out of the way. After all, you did tell me three times that you were coming!"
"Behold, I come quickly," he said, but his mind was still blank. So he tried again, "Behold, I come quickly!" Still nothing.
He tried once more, this time with such vehemence that he tripped over the wire of his mircrophone and fell off the stage, right into the lap of a frail old woman seated in the front row.
Embarrassed, the nervous preacher attempted to apologize, but the old lady replied, "That's quite all right, young man. It was my fault. I should have gotten out of the way. After all, you did tell me three times that you were coming!"
A priest, seeing a blank signboard hanging on a lamppost wrote upon it: "I pray for all."
A Solicitor wrote underneath: "I plead for all."
A doctor added: "I prescribe for all."
A simple citizen wrote: "I pay for all."
A Solicitor wrote underneath: "I plead for all."
A doctor added: "I prescribe for all."
A simple citizen wrote: "I pay for all."
Courtesy of:
http://www.theforumsite.com/forum/topic/-quot-Blank-quot-walks-into-a-bar-jokes-/29975
www.funny.com
Thanks to:.to all those who contributed all these these jokes, and for making the world a little better place by putting a smile on someones face:)
Please remember ...it is in all good fun:)
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